Friday, November 13, 1998 to June, 1999
I HAVE READ YOUR HEARTACHE. I WISH YOU CONTINUING STRENGTH, LUCK AND LOVE ON YOUR JOURNEY. BE WELL.........
I feel for you at the loss of your beautiful children. Like you I have lost all of my children...4 babies. I don't think there is anyone in the world who truly understands the loss of a child except one who has gone through it. My children died from SIDS and they were all under the age of 4 months. I still have a terrible time dealing with this and my last one died in 1988. It was very refreshing to see your page, I have never found abyone who is willing to talk it was nice. Thank you for this forum
Cool pages!
I am a nurse in a nursing home. I have had many elderly people die in my arms, only to give their lives to Christ shortly before their departure. Little did I know that 2 years ago I would be holding my dying husband in my arms, and my children's arms. I thank you Win for sharing with us your heart and emotions. I found your site while doing research for a grief seminar I am going in the fall. God Bless you.... keep holding onto His hand....
I have no words to express how sorry I am to hear about your losses. All I can do is offer you my love and hope that as a family you can continue 'surviving'. You are in my thoughts.
I am a high school teacher trying to do research the "other health impaired" exceptionallity in Special Education. I am interested in children/students with long term illnesses such as aids, heart conditions, etc. and their integration into regular classrooms. I am responding to you because of your description of your child with cardiac impairment.
I have buried my only daughter, just turned 18, who was suddenly and horribly killed in an auto accident 4/17. I am in the throes of pain -- never, ever having felt such agony -- not even with the failure of several pregnancies in the 3rd trimester. I am having to attempt to work, and it is so difficult. Thank you for your site.
I lost my only chld, my boy Jeff to suicide in 1996, I appreciate the love and support of people who understand and am a member of Compassionate Friends, your web page is a great help, and very well done. Thank You.
I buried my eldest child...in 1986...very suddenly. The next year my husband abandoned his family...leaving me with 4 children...aged 3 and 6 yrs..and two babies aged 20 months and 7 months to raise alone!! I was 28 yrs old then..and very afraid about how I would cope. It was not the "done-thing" for married women to leave their husbands, back then in 1987!!! But...I'd had eneough of being beaten, I have photo's of me after a beating, in August 1987....taken in a Women's Aid Refuge...and what strikes me more than anything, when I look at them now..is the awful bruising and swelling of my breasts...then!! Cos' I was breast-feeding my baby then...he was born allergic to everything...at three weeks old he was discovered to be "intolerant" to all baby foods!! I HAD to keep him alive!! I fed him...in spite of all!! He was taken off the breast at 13 months old!! He still had allergies...could'nt eat or drink anything normal like other babies!! He was reared on Soya, Kiwi fruit, celery, bananas,everything that was all organically grown!! But we survived....because we had to!! Today...I have four gorgeous teenagers!! The "baby" still has allergies...has been diagnosed as ADHD..he's 12 yrs old now!! My eldest is 13 years dead...but..it's taken years for us to acknowledge that she is not going to return!!! It's hard when Sudden Death strikes...and all we cry out.."why me..why us"?? But...when you think about it..why not me...why not us?? I can't say that WE..(as a couple) coped....but...myself and the kids did manage to muddle through the awful aftermath of sudden death!! We had bleak, black days...but...we all grew through it!! Personally, I fought through the Courts...finally...ending up in the High Court...but I won!! Against the Odds...I won!! It's amazing..but..when our National TV Station was planning a programme on Grief and Loss, and Bereavement in Children...through a lot of strange twists and turns..they found their way to my door...and my children were featured on it!! Such is life...
I just recently lost my mom,to cancer. It's only been two and a half months, but it seems like a life time has past. My mom was only fifty years old and I feel she, my family and anyone who knew her was cheated. I've had a really hard time dealing with the grief and I would really appreciate someone taking to me who knows how I feel. Thank you.
My baby girl has been in my life for only one year and I could not imagine my world without her. I am sorry and I am thinking of you and your family. You will see your beautiful girls again.
Where does our grief take us? To lonely places sometimes.
I'm a mediator and found your site via adrr. I found your story very moving. Thank you for sharing it and your great fund of knowledge and clear thought.
Your essay, "Healing the Spirit", is a piece of work. It is a wonderful testament of your faith. Thank You! Theresa, mom to Kristina Alexandria 11-4-97 to 3-24-98
I was searching for ADR sites for my mother, who is a mediator, and I came across your personal site. It literally broke my heart. I admire your strength, and the courage it took to put this site together. I'm sure that it was a healing process for you as well. Thank you for sharing this incredible site with us.
I just read your story in its entirety and am very touched by it. I can't begin to know what you have gone through and are going through still. I was touched by your accounts of Robin's life. We too have a child with HLHS. He has been through two of his surgeries and feel so blessed that he is doing well right now. I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your story in a forum like this so others will benefit from your experience. I also enjoyed Win's Women's Conference talk. Thanks you for posting it.
i was just looking for something to comfort me with the lose of my mother on 2-23-99. i am an only child and it has been so hard. i really loved your stories and all the bible scriptures, they help very much. i just can't help this emptiness that i ahve since she is gone. if you can help me please remrmber me in prayer. my mothers name was Mary Jane Armstrong 62 years old . Dec.1-36 to Feb 23-99. hope to hear from you soon. janice
I found your website to be an excellent source of assistance to bereaved parents. Your daughters' story was very moving. I am a bereaved father from Baltimore,MD who lost my dear son Alexander in 1991. My wife, Mary, recently coedited a book called A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies. It is a literary anthology of prose and poetry dealing with the loss of a child. Your visitors may find it helpful. It is available at bookstores such as Borders or Barnes&Noble, from the publisher Hazelden Press, or on websites such as amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com Keep up the needed work. Thank you.
Such a sad but comforting story I too have lsot children,,,twin sons died after birth 27yrs ago another son 26yrs ago....just 8 months ago my little girl Carlene,,,Your pages touched my heart and I wanted to extend a hug ((((((())))))))) to you and love as you grieve your loss'S Jenny (Carlenes Mum) Ps Im from Australia but have been in USA 5 weeks
Such a sad but comforting story I too have lsot children,,,twin sons died after birth 27yrs ago another son 26yrs ago....just 8 months ago my little girl Carlene,,,Your pages touched my heart and I wanted to extend a hug ((((((())))))))) to you and love as you grieve your loss'S Jenny (Carlenes Mum) Ps Im from Australia but have been in USA 5 weeks
I am really sorry for your loss. I hope that your future is very bright and that your memories are still as clear as there were when they happened. Don't you worry all your children are in a better place now away from the pain.
I am afather who lost his son in an auto Accident,and if i can be of help to any one please feelfree to write me,I must give back what was given to me,god has my little angel now!
I WISH I COULD COPY THIS WHOLE FILE FOR MY FRIEND WHO IS A NEW MEMBER. SHE LOST ALL 5 OF HER CHILDREN BEFORE THEY TURNED 5 YRS. THE LAST ONE DIED AT 2 DAYS OLD - THE SAME DAY HER HUSBAND WAS KILLED WHILE ON DUTY AS A HIGHWAY PATROLMAN! SHE WENT TO THE TEMPLE AND WAS SEALED TO ALL AT THE AGE OF 71 YRS. AFTER ONLY BEING A MEMBER FOR 5 MOS. SHE WAS VERY ILL AND WAS ALLOWED TO GO EARLY AND I WAS ABLE TO BE THE TINY BABY IN HER SEALING. WHAT A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE FOR ME HAVING JUST BEEN BAPT. 4 YRS. AGO AND BEEN TO THE TEMPLE 1 YR. LATER. HER NAME IS BETTE JAMES. SHE IS STILL SUFFERING FROM HER HEALTH AND CAN HARDLY SEE NOW. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE GOSPEL AND THE KNOWLEDGE IT BRINGS TO US. I AM THE ONLY MEMBER BUT WAIT FOR MY FAMILY TO EVENTUALLY JOIN!
i just found your website today and haven't read through all of it yet, but I will. We lost 2 babies. one at 5 1/2 weeks, from a congenital heart defect, and a stillborn baby. They were our 2nd and 4th sons. Later I had 4 miscarriages, and while pregnant with our 8th child, (not including the miscarriages,) our oldest son comitted suicide. We are still digging out of severeo incapication, but are surviving. The new baby really helped in a lot of ways, but made it harder in many ways also. We are now expecting one more ( our last) in March and hope everything goes well. The baby is due close to the 2 year anniversary of the death of our oldest son in March. We are hoping and praying everything goes well. Thank you for this website. I am sure I will gain much from it as I read througn it.
I used to complain so much when my sister got pregnant and got all the attention, what did I know, I was just 16!! Now, I know what a joy her beautiful twins are and I understand why they are the most important things in her life. Thanx, and keep the faith. Your precious loved-ones will always be a part of you.
I read your stories and cried. We lost a little girl May 3, 1996. She was stillborn. Although we didn't know her in this life, I know she will be ours in eternity. We have a new little boy (July 8, 1998) and what a joy he is! I can't believe what he has done for my heart. I am so glad for the knowledge that families are forever and that we will see our children again soon.
What a wonderful website you have here. I enjoyed looking around. I found this page by doing a search in snap.com for "elders quorum".
Steve and Win - I thought of your family as Christmas day came and went, holding special and sad memories. Now you will be able to think of this time of year as a time of new beginnings, not just a time of sadness and endings. I have followed your journal with interest as I travel my own road of grief since my 15 yr. old son died in February. Eleanor's words, as before, echo my thoughts - it will now be possible to separate yourselves from the constant association with tragedy that others may see. Your daughters will always remain a vital part of your family and your lives - no matter where you plant your feet. I wish you all the very best in your new home.
Dearest Steve, Win and Heather, these words carry with them all my love and blessings for your brave new move. It is a decision that I have hoped for a long time, you would finally reach. No doubt it will be hard to say goodbye to those aspects of your life which are comforting and familiar but there is a rawness and a cruelty in that familiarity and moving on from that will be very liberating. Socially especially,in a world so ill-equipped at dealing with the loss of a child,you must needs be, find that things are easier. Somehow it is less wounding to deal with the inadequacy of people who have never known your lost child than to live with the continued awkwardness of those you feel should know better. As the first anniversary of Tiffany's death approaches we are packing up our home and moving on, as planned. Her Yortzite; the memorial day of her passing based on the Jewish calender falls on the first day of 1999. It seems fitting that we should begin the new year with a ritual that celebrates her life. We have a family song called "Life" by Des're that we will play; the five of us will join hands in a circle of love and dance for our lost child who will no doubt be at the centre of that circle applauding the affirmation of a life well-lived. I think so often of the many people who live grey lives, tranquilised and defeated by their human endeavours, in contrast to this glorious red haired girl, Tiffany Raine, who in eleven years celebrated so profoundly the gift of her humanity. Tiffy was the most positive, enthusiastic and creative energy I have ever encountered and we all feel a responsibility to make good of our own. Each day begins and ends with the pain of her absence, but there is also a new-found understanding of how precious we all are to one another. Steve, we wish you and your beautiful family a healing journey into newness. May God shower you with his Grace. You must understand that for so many of us you are an inspiration and a loving friend. You will have to log in every now and then to let us know how you all are doing. This is important. We all care so much about your well-being and I for one can't imagine not knowing how you're doing in the years ahead. I love you. Eleanor.
Thank you for putting up and maintaining this website. I lost an uncle recently. It's nothing compared to losing a child, I'm sure. But it is still very painful. I think you are very brave to do what you have done, and reading your essays helped me. Thanks.
I just wanted to say that I was thinking of your family on this difficult day. The anniversaries must be so hard, especially near the holidays. Having just experienced the pain of our first Christmas without Ryan, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and with all of us who are missing the earthly love of our children in heaven.
Reading all these thoughts have been some comfort...I lost my 4 year old son Ryan on November 5th. He was killed, hit by a truck in front of our house. A couple of weeks later, I learned that I was pregnant, unexpectedly, but joyfully so. The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage three days ago. It is hard to face the holidays, but I have a 6 year old and a two year old who need me. They are what keep me going, but it is so hard. I miss my Ryan so, he was a very special little boy, so full of love. I don't know how your family survived so many losses...I can only imagine your pain. Thank you for sharing your grief and continuing survival with the world. It has helped me to cope and see that there is some light for the future. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I greatly appreciated you sharing your pain with others. I do not have children of my own, but both my brother and sister have gone through the pain of losing a child, which left our entire family devestated and our lives changed forever. However, in our experience, the compassion of family and friends helped a great deal. The worst feeling besides losing a loved one, especially a child, is thinking that you are alone. May God be with you, in your thoughts and in your heart.
We also have also lost a child. Our daughter Lonie was diagnosed with cancer July 19, 1995 and she passed away April 16, 1997. Every day that goes by we miss her more and more. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose 3 children. We have various people telling us that it gets better with time. I cannot imagine it getting better, I think we learn to live with the death. My own personal memories of Lonie are the last year and a half that she was so sick. She was a brave girl. She went through 3 different cemotherapy courses. Her remission was very short each time, only a month after treatment was finished the tumor that she had on her right lung would start to grow. We were given a 90% change of survival. I don't know where it went. My heart goes out to you and your family. May God bless you all..
Sorry about your loss just doesnt cut it. I lost my sister Ana in February. She fell asleep at the wheel and ran into large tree. She was killed almost instantly. I loved her so much that I sit up nights watching videos of her and listening to her favorite music. I can only hold on to her memory and hope someday the lord will let me see her again. Please keep her in your prayers. Best Regards, Len Rebelo
I buried Claire, suddenly, some years back. On Wednesday night I dreamt that she had'nt "really" died...but that Claire had been made into one of those Russian wooden dolls. You all know the ones....the smaller one fits into the bigger one..and the bigger one fits into the next size one...etc etc!! The dream upset me greatly....I miss Claire so much...and my greatest tribute to her.... is that.... I wish she was still here!! But, I am a divorced mom with 4 other young children, and a full time career...so I had to get on with it. Later that day, on my lunch-hour, I withdrew a sizable amount of cash from my bank....Santa still comes in my house!! In my second store I was "dipped"...meaning the pick-pocket, purse-snatchers "got at" my bag!! They got my mobile phone....but missed my few dollars cash!!! It's been agreed, these "dippers" are serious criminals...and I know I was blessed with luck...I lost a company phone, which was insured....but my purse with the money was'nt...and it's potential loss to me is un-imaginable...but that dream...!! Claire warned me...if you saw the bag I was carrying...the layers saved me...Thanks God...Thanks Claire...
I,am so sorry about Your loss. My wife and I are Going Through the loss too. we have lost a son at five months Old and a son at three years old. GOD has been the reason that I believe one day I will see both of them again.
I recently lost my son Keith to non-hodgkins lymphoma on November 3, 1998. I miss him terribly so I can only guess how the loss of your beautiful girls must be. I am just at the beginning of my grief an needed somewhere to turn. Thank you for being here.
I lived through awful grief, loss and bereavement, some years ago. And though I was not a member of their Church...the people of the LDS were my greatest support and friends. I will never forget their humanity and love...nor will my children.
I'm so sorry for your loss not only did you have to suffer once but twice. I just lost my father 11/10/98 and he was my world. It seems you never really know what you have until it's gone. God bless you.
My sincere condolensces for the loss of your girls, I have kept your family in my prayers ever since I first read your website. In the last year, I posted some questions on the Prodigy BB when my sister first miscarried and was then having some difficulties with her 2nd pregnancy. It was Win that put things at ease as she posted a reply with answers to my questions. We have since exchanged some emails too and she is such a dear lady. To think that someone could be nasty to her infuriates me. It is their loss.
Your babies are so beautiful. I also have a beautiful little girl with a sweet spirit and a wonderful smile that could light up a room. She fought a good fight and lost the battle January 17,1998. She lived with leukemia and all the treatment for 2 years, never complaining and never giving up. She died quickly after fighting an infection for 15 hours. She was 8 years old. Our family is lost without her. We love you, we miss you and we will never, ever forget you!
I stumbled upon your site as a link from the LDS site. I haven't had a chance to check out everything you have here, but I have bookmarked it for future reference. You see, I too, have lost 2 children. Both to drunk drivers. And I, too, am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. So, we have much in common. I look forward to checking out your site more thoroughly, and I'm glad you're here. Betty Horn
The archived entries in the guestbook really did me a lot of good to read. Thank you.
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