Guestbook Volume 10

Table of Contents for Guestbook
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volume 1

volume 2

volume 3,

volume 4

volume 5,

volume 6

volume 7

volume 8

volume 9 

volume 10

Enties from March 29, 2001 to April 18, 2003


Name:Sherry Crist
Email:Karlasmom@aol.com
Location: Mishawaka, InDate: Friday, April 18, 2003 at 23:36:01
Comments:
Karla was killed in a train-car accident. She left behind 3 little boys. Some times i don't think i can make it thru another day without her, and it has been a year and a half.


Name: Linda
Date: Friday, April 11, 2003 at 16:19:28
Comments:
From one Mom & Dad who have been there to another. "May no one else ever know this kind of pain." " The loss of our children destroys the natural order of things and we are never the same ,what do we do with our future, when children are our future. "Our heart aches for you ." With Love. Linda & Andy


Name: PEGGY
Email:pst_seasha_pt@yahoo.com
Va. Fairfax
Date: Monday, April 7, 2003 at 02:50:30
Comments:
I JUST PUT A LETTER IN NOT SAYING THAT I LOST SEVEN FAMILY MEMBERS IN THE PAST TWO YEARS IT'S BEEN THE HARDEST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE . I PRAY ONE OF MY CHILDREN WONT BE NEXT . GOD BLESS YOU FOR COMING UP WITH THIS SITE MY HART BLEEDS FOR OTHERS AND WELL AS MY SELF . GOD BLESS YOU ONCE AGAIN AND THANK YOU ! PEGGY


Name: PEGGY
Email:pst_seasha_pt@yahoo.com
Va Fairfax
Date: Monday, April 7, 2003 at 02:29:00
Comments:
********I'M LOSING MY SON DO TO DRUG'S .********* I HAVE HAD HEM IN DRUG PROGRAMS OUT SIDE ON MY MEDICAL COVERAGE THROW THE SCHOOL PROGRAM IN FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA. THE ONLY THING THAT CAME OUT OF THAT WAS HE MEET OTHERS THAT DEALT DRUGS AND ARE ON DRUG'S AND ONLY MADE MATTERS WORSE NOT TO SAY IT COST ME 250.00 A WEEK . SO I PULLED HEM OUT OF THAT PROGRAM AND STARTED HEM ON COUNSELING PRAYING THAT WOULD HELP IT SEEMS HE'S NOT READY TO STOP DOING DRUGS. HE'S GOING TO BE 18 ON AUGUST 8TH 2003 AND I JUST DON'T NOW WHAT TO DO . HIS GRADES ARE ALMOST ALL D'S NOW AND HIS BEHAVIOR IS GETTING WORST . ONE DAY A KID CALLED ASKING FOR MY SON IT WAS 10:30 AT NIGHT I TOLD HEM HE WAS A SLEEP SO THE KID SAID THANK YOU AND TWO MINUTES LATER HE CALLED AGAIN . MY HUSBAND (MY SON'S STEP FATHER) THE KID STATED TO MY HUSBAND THAT HE REALLY NEEDED TO TALK TO MY SON IT'S ABOUT HIS HOME WORK ,I AND MY HUSBAND FOUND THIS ODD ! SO I WHEN TO MY SON'S ROOM AND TOLD HEM HE HAD A CALL IT WAS IMPORTANT HE SAY'S . MY HUSBAND LESSONED IN OVER THE PHONE AND HE HEARD MY SON SAY TO HIS FRIEND ON THE TELEPHONE . I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL WITH TWO GRAM'S . MY HUSBAND TOLD ME WHAT WAS SAID . SO I THEN WHEN FOR A DRIVE ALL UPSET AND CRYING I DROVE FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS THEN WHEN TO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT AND TALK TO A POLICE OFFICER TOLD HEM WHAT WE HEARD OVER THE PHONE . HE STATED HE COULD CHECK THE HOUSE IF I LIKE I STATED OK (ONE I DIDN'T THINK MY SON WAS DUMB ENOUGH TO BRING THE DRUG'S IN TO ARE HOME) IT WAS 12:15 AM WHEN HE COME OVER SURE ENOUGH HE FOUND THE DRUG'S . MY SON DID TELL HEM WHERE IT WAS WHEN THE COP ASKED BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED BUT HERE IT IS THREE AND A HALF WEEK'S LATER STILL HAVE NO COURT DATE NOR ANY REPORT ON IT . DO TO THE JUVENAL CRIME HERE THIS IS CONSIDERED AS A MISTER MANNER AND I FEEL THAT THEY JUST BRUSHED IT UNDER THE RUG SORT OD SPEAK .I EVEN WHEN TO THE SCHOOL AND TALK TO THEM AND TOLD THEM WHAT HAPPEN . (HIS BEHAVIOR HAS ONLY GOTTEN WORSE ) I TRIED TO KEEP HIM IN THE HOUSE FOR ONE HOLE DAY IT HE MADE MY HUSBAND'S AND MY LIFE TOTAL censored AND NOW THE MATTERS ARE SO MUCH WORSE. MY HUSBAND HAS GOTTEN IN A FIGHT WITH HEM AND TOLD HEM TO GET OUT TODAY. I TOLD MY SON JUST TO GO SPEND THE NIGHT SOME WHERE TELL BOTH OF YOU TWO CARMI DOWN . I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THERE FIGHT'S EVEN THOU I DON'T WONT TO BE AND I UNDER STAND WHY MY HUSBAND IS UPSET AND SO AM I BUT THE FIGHTS WONT HELP THE PROBLEM THAT IS IN HAND . MY SON HAS A DRUG PROBLEM AND FOR HEM TO BE CONSIDERED AS A IN HOUSE UNDER ARE INSURANCE THE CONSOLER NEEDS TO OK IT ,BUT HE FEEL'S CONCEALING WILL HELP . IFMY SON WONT TO GET OF DRUG ,SOON MY SON WILL BE EIGHTEEN AND I FEEL SO HELPLESS ON THIS MATTER . I HAVE TALKED MY SON TELL I WAS BLUE IN THE FACE .I FEEL THE ONLY REASON HE'S DOING THE CONCEALING IS TO MAKE ME HAPPIER BECAUSE OF THE LOVE HE HAS FOR HIS ME . I JUST WISHED HE LOVE ME ENOUGH TO GET OFF DRUGS BUT IT TAKES MORE THE LOVE TO GET HEM OFF DRUG . THE DRUG'S ARE SO POWERFUL AND HE'S NOT WILLING TO SEE WHAT IT'S DOING TO HEM . I CRY DAY AND NIGHT AND UNABLE TO SLEEP AS IT IS NOW I PRAY AND HOPE HE'LL CALL ME JUST TO NOW HE'S A LIVE STILL WHEN HE'S OUT GOD ONLY KNOWS WHERE . MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU ALL. LORD HELP US ALL !!!!


Name: Jenny Baader
Email:jenbbrn@aol.com
Location: Springfield, Ohio USA
Date: Sunday, April 6, 2003 at 00:30:34
Comments:
Dear Steve and Win: Thank you for somehow finding a way to rise above your grief and sharing words of faith and encouragement with those of us who read these pages. As your "guests" comments reflect, there are so many who face their loss feeling alone or feel no one else can really understand their pain. Your site offers hope, kindness, and the encouragement that somehow, life does continue for those of us who are left behind. My three-year-old son, Peter, died in 1991 after a year-long battle with aplastic anemia. No matter how sick he was, I never believed that he could die because my husband and I were such good Christians - we prayed - others prayed for and with us - something so horrendous couldn't befall us. I wanted to commit suicide because it hurt too much even to breathe . . . Our five-year-old daughter had made the best of it with mom being at the hospital for the better part of a year, and now, the mother who returned home was a shell of the fun-loving mother she had known. We used to lie on the couch under a Mickey Mouse blanket at night and watch the cartoon, "Wind In The Willows" - no special reason, it just seemed to help. Gradually, we began to heal, and in 1995 our son, Michael was born. I slept in his room for the first 6 months, because I feared he would die too. Finally I relaxed a bit, and moved back into the room with my husband. A month later, my husband began experiencing pneumonia-like symptoms, and was subsequently diagnosed with angiosarcoma - cancer of the arteries and veins - prognosis: 2 weeks if we were lucky. I told my brother that I couldn't go through this again. He shook me and said, "you don't have a choice, if you don't go through it, he'll be alone and so will you." So, we faced the next 10 months together, some of it really good, some of it really lousy. He died peacefully at home with his family around him. And Ashley and I once again pulled out the Mickey Mouse blanket and the "Wind In The Willows" tape. Six and a half years have passed, and Ashley is now almost seventeen, dating and driving (which makes me nuts worrying about the possibility of an accident, but I'm doing better with it.) Michael is almost 8, and has an unlimited energy supply. We are very blessed to have had Jim and Pete in our lives - sometimes we are grateful through bitter tears, but we have been and continue to be blessed abundantly by God. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. Please know that although we have never met, in Christ we are all family, and you will be in my prayers.


Name: GayLe Schleve
Email:minihaha@midrivers.com
Location: Glendive, MT USA
Date: Saturday, April 5, 2003 at 20:38:15
Comments:
Hey, Steve I wonder where you got to, after BYU. I remember you and your green years in New York. Thanks for being my friend so many years ago. Always Sister Schleve


Name: GayLe Schleve
Email:minihaha@midrivers.com
Location: Glendive ,Date: Saturday, April 5, 2003 at 20:35:42
Comments:


Name:Cheap Web Hosting Ltd.
Email:cwh@yahoo.com
Location: New York, NY USA
Date: Tuesday, April 1, 2003 at 16:18:18
Comments:
Guys, I've just bookmarked you great site and could recommend to do it to everyone - it does worth it. The best wishes, Bryan, CWS.


Name:Caroline
Email:ilostmytruelove@hotmail.com
Location: Brooklyn, NY US
Date: Thursday, March 20, 2003 at 17:10:33
Comments:
your site is really heart moving. i'm sorry. i lost a baby back in 1978. i'll never forget the hurt I felt at how my family treated me as if it was my own fault. instead of sending any sympathy cards or words.



Name: Sandy
Email:sandyd91@hotmail.com
CT USA
Date: Monday, March 3, 2003 at 09:38:48
Comments:
I just came across your site. My 21 year old daughter was killed 6 weeks ago in an auto accident. It is getting harder for me to accept with more time that passes. Knowing that Gina will never come home, that I will never hear her voice, her laugh and see her beautiful smile is too painful for me. People say in time, it will get easier....right now it doesn't seem possible.


Name:segelurlaub segeln mitsegeln skipper
Date: Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 20:29:51
Comments:
I love your page.


Name:Nadine
D
Date: Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 20:27:33
Comments:
This is my first time at this site. I just wanted to thank you for all what you´re doing. Wished I knew about your site a few years ago.Oliver


Name: elizabeth
Email:muir_liz@hotmail.com
scotland
Date: Tuesday, February 18, 2003 at 17:38:25
Comments:
while researching living with loss for my degree i read all about your family i too have lost children and my thought and prayers are with you all life is precious let everyone cherish it take care and god bless


Name: Steve
Date: Tuesday, February 18, 2003 at 10:25:11
Comments:
I'm forty-six and reading things like this sure makes me feel mortal too.


Name:JAVA
Email:org_a2@yahoo.com
Location: Boston,Date: Thursday, January 30, 2003 at 19:40:13
Comments:
I am a 40 year old relatively good health male. On new years day I had a massive heart attack. I almost made my 2 children fatherless not to mention my wife parents and family. It would have been harder for them than me, as I didn't realize what had happened. Maybe it wasn't my time or I have things left to do on earth, because I was next to an emergency room doctor when I left this world. He assisted in bringing me back. Kind of renews your faith in a higher being. I feel your grief from the other point of view and am sure your son does also.


Name: kristi
Email:durosgal@aol.com
tnDate: Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 20:43:41
Comments:
i want to let you know how much your story has really help me out i had a set of twins on mothers day may 9,1999 the was the worst day of my life i did not know how to feel taking back the second carseat etc.it was like i was in a dream still sometimes i feel like it now my 5 yr old son they found out he has a condition called chiari malformation he has to under go serious surgery on the 10th of january and i worries have felt like this with my twins your story has really inlighten me thank you sincerly kristi from tn my prays are with you


Name: Diane Howard
Email:drh92119@yahoo.com
Location: San Diego, CA UNITED STATES
Date: Sunday, December 22, 2002 at 13:12:54
Comments:
I found your site today and want to say that I know it is hard losing three children. In 1993, my sister and her husband lost their first son, from a their first set of twins. He was born with medical problems and died at 3 months. This past November 4, 2002, my sister and her family were moving from Denver Co to Surprise, AZ in an attempt to start a new life, the events of 9/11 wiped them out financially and my brother in law got laid off from his job. About 10 miles outside of Albuqurque, New Mexico on the I 40, my sister 3 out of 4 of her kids and her granddaughter were involved in a roll over accident which killed her 23 year old daughter Brooke and her 7 year old son, Christian who was from her second set of twins. It is so much harder losing Brooke and Christian than it was Donald, the 3 month old. For Donald, it was just a matter of when he was going to die and how much suffering he'd endure before dying. With Brooke and Christian, the pain is so much worse and very different as it was unexpected. There is a huge void in our lives and we adults don't feel in the Christmas spirit but for the sake of my kids and my sisters 2 remaing kids and her granddaughter (Brooke's daughter)we'll put on a happy face. I want you to know that your site is very much appreciated and I wish I could have discovered earlier. Thank you so much.


Name:Rebecca
Email:rebecca@fortimeandalleternity.com
Location: Port Orange, FL USA
Date: Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at 16:08:12
Comments:
Thank you for your site, I know it must have been hard to share all those details. This past spring I miscarried our first child after over 3 years of infertility, and she would have been born next week for Christmas, so this is a hard time for me and I haven't been feeling very "Christmassy". I love all your site, but especially the most recent talk your wife gave where she said you have to decide how much you are willing to lose after a loss. I have been having such a hard time spiritually for so long now, and that really made the tears come, and I feel a renewed desire to strengthen my spirituality. I think I am going to get on my knees now and really pray, as I have not done for months, years, even. Thank you so much, I can't even begin to imagine your heartache, and I will pray for you as well. love to your family, Sister Blick, New Smryna Beach Ward, Florida.


Name:stephanie
Email:s-azri@myoffice.net.au
Location: Mt warren Park, QLD Australia
Date: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 15:31:53
Comments:
I had come to your site before but never really read the details. I read about your beautiful daughters, and I wondered how you survived three deaths. We are struggling with one...What really shook me is to read that not only you are LDS members like us, but that we sang the same hymns at our daughter's funeral, and i just remembered ours and pictured your girls's funerals... I wish you could visit our web site at www.angelfire.com/poetry/talina, it is a good beginning. You could add your web site link to ours or I could do it for it if you don't have time, let me know, as it is great and needs to be shown to others. Hope you could also join our web ring. It can not hurt your site and can increase your traffic. Please consider it at http://t.webring.com/wrman?ring=familiesforever&addsite, it is the "families forever" web ring for all parents that have lost children but know they will remain a family FOREVER...it is comforting for us Well done on a very informative and professional web site. Joseph S:"you will have the joy, the pleasure,and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit." We will be together with our children again. xxx stephanie


Name:Norma Briggs
Email:mom@anthonymelvin.com
Location: Dickinson, Texas USA
Date: Monday, December 9, 2002 at 17:01:37
Comments:
I cannot tell you how much reading your story helped me when I lost my son to a car accident. I it has been less than 13 months, and I am better but will never be the same. Losing a child launches us on a journey of re-invention we did not want to take. I want you to know that I included a link to one of your articles on my son's website. I go back and read the article often when I need to remind myself that it is okay that I am still not functioning at 100%. You are correct, most of the literature on grief is poorly written, too bad. Thank you Norma


Name: Patricia Berkley
Email:trishberkley@hotmail
Location: Ingham, Qld Australia
Date: Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 23:37:36
Comments:
God bless you and give you strength. We, too, had a "heart baby". We know grief, we know the fear of loving the other children fiercely and protectively. The thought of losing a second, let alone a third precious child is beyond my comprehension. Your beautiful daughters had special parents.


Name: Laura
Email:montisr@aol.com
N.J. U.S.A.
Date: Friday, November 15, 2002 at 16:54:15
Comments:
We can't possibly imagine your pain and suffering with the loss of your 3 beautiful daughters -- Our son died suddenly only 6 weeks ago and each day is a struggle -- We pray for strenghth daily --- We thank you for having the courage to share your story. You will remain in our thoughts and prayers ---God Bless you with his love -- We know that your girls are with our son and they have been taken safely "home" Until we meet again -- sincerely, your friends


Name:Seitensprung
Email:fluflu1@lycos.de
Location: wien,Date: Thursday, November 14, 2002 at 09:11:08
Comments:
This is my first time at this site. I just wanted to thank you.For all what you´re doing. Wished I knew about your site a few years ago. Ben


Name:data recovery
Email:davek2000@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, November 8, 2002 at 10:54:01
Comments:
My brother is having difficulties with his current employer. He's a union leader, and it looks like he needs some mediation help for a new contract coming up. Can you help him out? He's in Oklahoma. Email me at the address above.


Name: nomugu
Email:mugu@mugu.guy
Date: Saturday, November 2, 2002 at 07:43:49
Comments:
yes keep offfff


Name:Pam
Email:duck@jorsm.com
Location: Schererville, IN USA
Date: Friday, November 1, 2002 at 09:25:40
Comments:
Steve, how unfortunate that you have had to gain so much wisdom as a result of so much pain. My oldest of two daughters, Heather, passed in an auto accident 1/28/01. At times I can't even handle hearing of others who have endured this pain, and then I find myself craving to hear from others who know what it's like. Your essays are so full of so much truth on the subject. Having one daughter left leaves me terrified of the nightmare of suffering multiple losses as you have, but at the same time, inspires me to know that you have survived with faith in tact. We will understand all one day, until then we trust by faith. God Bless you and your family


Name: Glenda Johnson
Email:hlytrrrsprbtch
Location: Louisville, KY America
Date: Wednesday, October 30, 2002 at 19:16:01
Comments:
My name is Glenda. I lost my daughter Ashley Renee on March 15,2002. She was 19mths old when she passed away. She had fought a long hard battle that she put up a very good fight, but her little body couldn't take it anymore. She was our little angel on earth and now she will always be our guardian angel. I know she is able to do all the things she wasn't able to do here, but that doesn't stop me wanting her here. We will always love her and miss her. We love you angel.


Name: ANITA GODFREY
Email:GZSMOM@AOL.COM
Location: CENTERPOINT, IN USA
Date: Thursday, October 24, 2002 at 21:50:51
Comments:
I LOST MY SON JEREMY ON OCTOBER 29, 2000. HE WAS 23 YEARS OLD AND MY BEST FRIEND.


Name: Carol Hildebrand
Email:Carol4010@aol.com
Location: Ventura, Ca US
Date: Wednesday, October 16, 2002 at 02:24:51
Comments:
Win and Marsh I know that with God's helping hand I found your site.I cried when i read your stories. I dont know how you get through it all. Losing 3 beautiful daughters is more than anyone could bear. I lost my son Patrick in a trucking accident. He was 41yr old leaving behind a wife and 4 teenage children.Seems the duel rigg he was driving lost it's brakes and he plunged off a hill side killing him instantly. When i go to the crash site i can see God lowering his hand to Pat and taking him home. It makes my heart smile. The problem i am having is going to the grave site seeing his name there is unbeliveable and there is no comprehension AT ALL.Your site has been extreamly helpful. Knowing where i am at this time in grieving process is alright. It has kept me more balanced. I am right where God wants me to be at this time. Hanging on for 2 1/2yrs during court hearings. The corp was charged with Vich-manslaughter. We lost the case and the Corp walked away. Now I think my grieving is just begining.I realize that for all this time i was keeping him alive and NOT letting go of my son Pat fighting his fight for justice. I return often to your site for help in my grieving. Thank you so much for your courage. I know this has to be a very difficult task.Thank you again God Bless you. Carol


Email:Susanayoung@earthlink.net
Location: KC, MODate: Friday, October 11, 2002 at 16:17:34
Comments:
I'm trying to find Bert Knust who was in the Rockhurst Executive Fellows Program 1986-88. This website came up when I searched Nathan Knust, the name of one of Bert's children. I hope we can get a lead on Bert. We're planning a 15th reunion. Thanks.


Name: cindy seman
Email:rcoldies78@yahoo.com
Location: kingsley, pa susquehanna
Date: Monday, September 30, 2002 at 18:49:22
Comments:
I have been looking for someone to talk to that has suffered a loss like mine. Yours was far more than i have suffered and i offer my sympathy. I know the only thing that got me through mine is knowing the LORD and knowing that he is in control and there is a reason for everything. I lost a 21 year old daughter in a car accident. Her two children were with her but they survived, thank the LORD.The driver was seriously injured. My sadness is not only losing my daughter but trying to comfort two children everyother week-end (as that is only time i can see them because of the courts) i relive that night over and over. Is there any one out there with the similar situation? Please give me advice. I am being torn all the time and its been almost two years.Please write me.


Name: Lisa Curtiss
Email:rcurtiss@nefcom.net
Location: glen st mary, florida usa
Date: Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 14:41:02
Comments:
I came across your site when i was on www.groww.org and let me say that i have alot of respect for you and your wife, for what you have been through and the loss you share. I want you to know that i have been going through some problems in my life, but NOWHERE what you have, and you give me strength that everything will be ok..good luck and may god bless you all...:)


Name:Cilla
Email:Cilla@thepalfreymans.freeserve.co.uk
England U.K.
Date: Friday, September 27, 2002 at 08:09:20
Comments:
This is heartbreaking,Steve and Win. To lose 3 precious children must be unbearable, and I pray that this site will bring much blessing to others out of such deep sadness. I also pray that you will feel the Presence of the Lord Jesus, the Source of all comfort, very close to you. With love to you both.


Date: Friday, August 30, 2002 at 11:49:13
Comments:
Hi. I am a 17-year old girl who in June lost my first baby (Athena Diane). The father and I are still together but are living in different states now. It is really hard. I was used to being with him almost 24-7 and now i will only get to see him on weekends. I am at a new school my senior year and i don't know a single person. I am still trying to deal with losing my daughter and now i have to deal with losing all my friends and my fiance(even though we are still together it feel like I've lost him, since he's not always there with me.)


Name: Anne Walsh
Email:HWalsh6327@aol.com
Location: University Park, MD USA
Date: Tuesday, August 20, 2002 at 13:47:06
Comments:
Steve and Win - In my state of heart-brokenness I discovered your website. We lost our beloved and unbelievably loving and loveable 17-year-old son Alex two and a half years ago. Your story is not only shocking and unbelievable in its depth of sorrow and tragedy, but was also a comfort and an inspiration to me. Thank you for having the courage and the faith to use your grief to make the paths of others a little easier. Your childrens' souls are all together and at peace. Sincerely, Anne Walsh



Name: melissa
Email:missa18@bellsouth.com
Location: jax, fl usa
Date: Thursday, August 1, 2002 at 20:51:08
Comments:
hi my name is melissa and i am not a momyet because i am still young but i have 2 wondeful nephews and 1 wonderful neice and i watch all thre of them every day and on july 18 2002 my 3 month old nephew passed away while he was in my care that was one of the hardest days of my life and still to this day i would give anything to have my lil sunshine back in my arms i know it hurts more when you loose a child of your own but loosing any family member hurts to i am grieving in my own way but i know that all these young babies and children are up there taking care of my lil sunshie and i know he is in the arms of god and i will see him one day and this website has did me and my family good its very nice and its nice too know that were not alone thank you and may god be with u and everyone who has lost somebody they love


Name: kendra
Email:dbkendra@yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, July 13, 2002 at 13:24:08
Comments:
In the two years I have tried to come to terms with the death of my youngest son (Sascha Daniel July14-1997-February 14 2000) I have tried out just about every method I could imagine to try and stop the pain -- most of it had little to no positive impact on myself or anyone else. But I found out that one thing that did seem to ease the pain was trying to give meaning to my loss. I invented my own meaning. One of the main steps that I took in this direction was adopting an orphaned child. Somehow I feel that this boy and I were meant for each other - he suffered the greatest loss a child can suffer and I the greatest loss a mother can suffer, but together we can learn to love again. Having Raja gives me hope, and makes me feel that my suffering is not in vain. I cannot imagine the devastation that you have suffered (I have three other biological children and I owe my life to the fact that I had to continue functioning for them after their little brother died). But I think that the site you have created with your blood, soul, and tears has served humanity in an immesurable way and I hope that knowing this gives you some measure of hope knowing that you have not suffered in vain. Thank you for sharing and providing others with the opportunity to share.


Name: Fred Kleinfelter
Email:mr_comunication@hotmail.com
Location: Chehalis, WA USA
Date: Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 01:16:09
Comments:
I trully understand your pain at the loss of your children. I wish that there was something that I could do for you to help ease your pain. All I can do is keep you in my prayers. I too am having to learn how to deal with the loss of a child. "Trevor John Kleinfelter", June 27, 2002. I wish I knew how to deal with it. Hopefully God will show me the way. We are also LDS, but are having a hard time maintaining our faith. The death of our son has ripped apart our souls. Time will heal all wounds, and WE WILL ALL BE REUNITED WITH OUR CHILDREN UPON RESURECTION DAY. Please feel free to e-mail me. I would love to talk with you. God Bless... A Surviving Parent


Name: Nathan Knust
Email:schmierer_knust@hotmail.com
Location: Kansas City, MO USA
Date: Wednesday, July 3, 2002 at 21:19:37
Comments:
My wife has a co-worker who recently lost her husband as is searching for a bereavement support group to help her through this difficult time in her life. Does anyone know of any such groups in the area or have any suggestions?


Name: Charles E. Gannon
Email:cgannon@sbu.edu
Location: Olean, NY Cattaraugus
Date: Monday, June 24, 2002 at 17:09:41
Comments:
I cannot tell you how I felt reading about your losses. I do not know which is more amazing, your capacity for endurance or for faith. A fellow gamer, who stumbled across your site without warning, and who loves and recognizes the day-to-day uncertainty of life for his own two healthy (so far) boys, my heart and tears went out to you in a spontaneous burst. I am an English professor, but I know when words are powerless. You are in my thoughts.


Name: Cynthia A. Brown
Email:ecebrown@WARWICK.NET
Location: Vernon , NJ USA
Date: Friday, June 21, 2002 at 10:57:21
Comments:
I am a mother of a 4 year old boy, Edward, and 2 year old identical twin girs, Sarah and Emily. Sarah died from Neurological and Respiratory problems November 28, 2001, two months after she and her sister celebrated their 2nd birthday. It has been just passed six months since she died in my arms, at home, on a beautiful, warm, sunny November morning. I am grateful to her for being in my life. She taught me the pureness of love, compassion and patience. I know she is always with me. I love her and miss her tremendously. Now, I need to still raise her brother and sister with my knowledge of her love and care.


Name: TP
Email:AvoidtheIdiots@aol.com
CA USA
Date: Saturday, June 1, 2002 at 15:21:51
Comments:
My therapist recommended that I explore web pages that discuss grief and the related survival, so here I am. I don't know if it makes me feel comforted, or devistated, to know that there are others out there who have seen shared such horrible sorrow - and truth be told, I don't know how any of us can keep on going - yet somehow, perhaps for lack of other options, we do. My youngest son died a year and a half ago - and my eldest child died seven years ago - both of them were 20 years old, and yes, both of them were my closest and dearest friends. It no longer matters to me how they died, and honestly I'm tired of telling the story - but I miss them, and yes, I also miss the grandchildren that I'll never meet. Anyway, like I said, my heart broke to read some of these postings, and to know/face that others out there have experienced such terrible things in life. I'm not in a position to offer anyone advice - can barely keep my sorry self off the floor these days - but I am in a position to extend my sympathy and condolences to those that know this particular kind of pain, and I do hope that each of us finds comfort through prayer/faith/companionship - or any other positive method of survival we can find. Thanks for listening, and may your faith, dreams, hopes, prayers sustain all of us.


Name: Mary Smith
Location: McKinney, TX USA
Date: Thursday, May 30, 2002 at 22:50:38
Comments:
This is the 2nd time I've posted an entry. The first time was about a year ago. This past year has been difficult just like the last 6. I buried Jack 6 yrs ago tomorrow. The calendar days fall on the exact dates this year; so that has added to it as he died on Memorial Day, 5/27/96. I have had 2 beautiful, healthy children since then but it is still difficult to find joy without diliberate effort. Steve, please continue to let us know how you and your family are doing. I check for updates at least once a week (usually more). I don't know how I would have made it this last year without the comfort I have gained from this website. Thank you so much for sharing.


Name: Steve Marsh
Date: Monday, May 20, 2002 at 14:03:13
Comments:
laura_estrada@hotmail.com and Marty Lineberry have both missed the point on the terms of service. Anyone who can contact them and help them understand what they have done wrong would be appreciated.


Name: Laura Estrada
Email:laura_estrada@hotmail.com
Date: Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 14:47:20
Comments:
I'm doing a report on plastic sergurys that have gone wronge and can not be fixed. If anyone as any information or knows anyone that this has happened to please e-mail me.


Name:Marty Lineberry
Email:jjf@electrosnap.com
Location: Tobaccoville, NC USA
Date: Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 21:23:52
Comments:
Adultry = Child Molesters = Homosexuality = Bestiality! Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them! How can ye escape the damnation of censored? Repent! For the Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand!


Name:Steve Marsh
Email:smarsh@adrr.com
Location: Plano, TexasDate: Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 13:28:09
Comments:
Just thought I would mention that the "short note on my father" is about someone else's father, not *my* father (who is still alive and well and currently doing volunteer work in Korea with my mom). Stephen


Name: Bob
Date: Monday, March 25, 2002 at 17:06:52
Comments:
Thanks for these essays.


A Short Essay on My Father

When I was young I had a special type of connection with my father, We both liked alot of the same things, We had the same way of thinking about things (Sort of like telepathy).

We could be in different places but still thinking about each other at the same time or watching the same T.V. show.

As I got to be about 12 and my brother was 4, My father seemed to loose interest in me, and started spending most of his time with my brother, My father still agnoliged me, but it wasn't the same as before.

After my parents divorced and I graduated high-school me and my brother got to go and live with him. I thought we would become close again but we didn't. After about 4 years, I started going to College and met my husband, my father got furious and I never saw him again for 10 years then I got a call from my Aunt one day telling me that he had passed away.

I never really got to tell him how much I still loved him, and because of his anger towards me he never wanted to see me..

I really wish I could've told him I love you before he died, but it's funny he has been gone about 4 years, and I still feel that we have a connection. It's weird!!!!

Sylvia A Benitez Perez.


Name:Sheri Turner
Email:ssturner@mindspring.com
Location: Bridgewater, MA USA
Date: Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 00:00:06
Comments:
I lost my son Thomas William to Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome on November 21, 1997. He was only 10 days old. I was so devastated...I am still devastated...I could not imagine losing three beloved children. I am so sorry. I hope that this beautiful site brings you some peace - and you know that you are helping others with what you have shared here. Thank you for contributing compassion and love to the human race - your daughters should be proud.


Name: Laurie L. Garrett
Email:laurahrt125@aol.com
Location: Meridian, MS United States
Date: Wednesday, March 6, 2002 at 17:59:19
Comments:
I don't know where to begin- I came across your site while searching for hlhs info. My son has hlhs, and is almost 2 and doing well. I am so saddened by your losses. My heart aches for you. I am going to pass along the url to the site to my heart discussion list. I think it will help with some of the parents who have lost their child.


Name: Samantha
Email:Sam51288@aol.com
Location: Hudson, MA USA
Date: Wednesday, March 6, 2002 at 17:05:31
Comments:
You have been a very helpful source, but I couldn't seem to find one thing I need for my Science class. I need to know why fluid pressure exists and I couldn't seem to locate it. Thanks for all your help and maybe try thinking about putting that fluid pressure info. in. It would be a great help to me! Thanks again! ~Sam


Name: Deanna Ashby
Email:tdashby@hotmail.com
Location: Twin Falls, ID USA
Date: Sunday, February 17, 2002 at 21:40:34
Comments:
On November 15, 2001 my twins were born-Daniel was healthy, Sarah was still born. She died at 34 weeks from Trisomy 18, a fatal chromosomal disorder. From the time we found out about the twins we knew she probably would not live to birth. I suppose my grieveing started at that point. My hope died with her. It is so hard to be joyful about my new son (our sixth child) when I am grieving for my angel daughter. My father died the day after our Sarah died, so in a way I can almost maybe comprehend what it might be like to loose three people so very close to you. Sometimes my only comfort is knowing that my dad is taking care of my daughter for me and that I will later have a chance to raise her in the millenium. However this comfort doesn't take away the pain. I was given the link to your website from another LDS mother who lost a baby due to Trisomy 18. I can honestly say how very sorry I am for you. I only wish more people would say it to me. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with the world. I know it helps immensely to talk and share feelings. I noticed that you have another daugher named Rachel. I hope that she is healthy and bringing back some of the joy you lost. I also noticed that you were sealed in the Oakland temple. So were my husband and I, as we both grew up in the area, he in Oakland, and I in Fairfield. Thank you again, Deanna Ashby and angel Sarah


Name: louise bower
Email:posh44@hotmail.com
Location: hull, england
Date: Monday, February 11, 2002 at 15:17:33
Comments:
hi steve&win i have stumbled across your website and i have never know courage and sadness and inspiration before.I have had a miscarridge myself and that was hard enough to deal with.I have three sons whome are my life and the thought of anything happening to them is unbearable.Your situation makes things like money problems etc seem so trivual. my heart goes out to you all and those three beautiful children are with you always.my best friend recently gave birth to a little girl four weeks after i had my third son and she was born with downs syndrome which at the time was heartbreaking she has gone through everyemotion possible but since reading your story and seeing how you both have coped it has made her life a lot easier.your website is amazing thankyou for letting us readit may god be with you all always you brave brave people!


Name: Jeannine
Email:Martyand9@aol.com
Location: Delafield, WI USA
Date: Saturday, February 2, 2002 at 22:03:58
Comments:
I can only imagine the grief you have had to bear in the loss of your 3 precious daughters. This past week I attended the funeral of my cousins 2 children who were killed by a drunk driver. They were almost 5 and 5 months. My heart weeps for her and her husband as I cannot imagine having to go on living in the midst of such pain. I have lost 9 children in miscarriage and feel blessed to have the 3 I do. I don't know what I'd do if I lost them. God's peace, blessing and comfort to you. Thank you for sharing your story. It shows that you can go on despite the pain.


Name: Sarah
Date: Saturday, February 2, 2002 at 17:56:04
Comments:
May I suggest another book for those of you grieving? From Morning to Mourning: Discovering the Healing Power of Gods Love to Take You From Grief to Glory It's by Harold and Cheryl Salem. They're wonderful speakers, too!


Email:kimbns@aol.com
UK England
Date: Friday, January 25, 2002 at 21:55:58
Comments:
Of all the sites Ive visited for some sort of help,reality and support, I have got to say yours done all those and more.I lost my brother christmas eve suddenly, but I could not grieve as I had to stay strong as I had to tell my mum and my dad as I was the one who got the phone call. There are no words that can explain my mums reaction the pain she was going thru,as she could not focus properly I still had to be strong as I had another hard task to face that was telling my younger sister on Christmas day.His funeral was only 2weeks ago. The emotional and physical pain I went thru was unexplainable.You guys are a real insperation and prove to all those in simular situations that you can get thru the hard times and that's because you love each other and most importantly Heather has got you both. God Bless you all and many thanks.


Name: Sandi
Email:Sandi@trophpyhomes.com
Location: Springville, Utah USA
Date: Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 23:41:52
Comments:
My son, Robby, died at the age of 19 on April 16, 2001. I am so humbled by your site and am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine my pain times three! May God grant you His peace and eternal love. God bless you.


Name: Bob Berzelius
Email:bberzelius@mn.rr.com
Location: Bloomington, MN USA
Date: Saturday, January 12, 2002 at 09:54:49
Comments:
My first visit here. My 21 year old son took his life on September 3, 2001. I returned to work on September 24th, and was laid off on October 24th, and am still unemployed thru the middle of January. I have daughters 18 & 14 and am having continuing problems with depression, which I have had for thirty years. I will visit again. Thank you.


Name: Edwin Dunckley
Email:edwindunckley@hotmail.com
Location: Phoenix, AZDate: Tuesday, January 1, 2002 at 22:28:16
Comments:
My sympathy goes to everyone who visits this site... you are here for a reason. With gratitude to the brave authors; your loss is incomprehensible. From a grieving parent, struggling to recover. 1/1/02


Name: Michael
Email:cdat@cdat.org
Location: Boise, ID USA
Date: Sunday, December 23, 2001 at 00:36:31
Comments:
Thank you for sharing with us. It helps. We lost our son Tyler on the 6th of December, 2001 to meningicoccal septicemia. Thirty six hours of pure censored that makes me sick to my stomach to even think about. He was 15 years old, I miss him terribly. Losing it again.


Name: Michelle Ball
Email:dougmich21@cs.com
Location: Colleyville, Texas USA
Date: Wednesday, December 19, 2001 at 17:32:59
Comments:
Steve and Win, Thank God for you. I lost my only son December 1, 2001. Your messages of grief and hope are inspiring and real.... God Bless you. I know that Michael is His hands.... Whether to continue to journal or not -- unequivocally (sp?)yes. You have no idea how many lives you have touched, helped and perhaps saved.


Name: Natalie Leyba
Email:leybagirlz@yahoo.com
Location: Lynnwood, WA United States
Date: Sunday, December 2, 2001 at 00:31:07
Comments:
I wanted to say that the little ones who have been lost will always be found in our hearts , I am a an ECMO child and had an operation after I was born (July 23,1989) I am thankful I am alive to this very day to those who didn't think I woud make it , but never gave up, I today stand here at 12 yrs. old! due to my religion, We're not encouraged to have blood transfusions, so my parents went to court.I had the transfusion and my parents could only pray. I survived, and God gave me a gift of talent, ART ,illustrating , drawing extremely well so there is a reason I lived and those who didn't shall come back again and they too will share love EVERYWHERE************they are the stars in the sky so look up , for they spread hope through the world. ~*THANX , SEND MY LOVE*~


Name: Gretchen Osgood
Email:ozfam@nh.adelphia.net
Location: Fryeburg, ME USA
Date: Sunday, November 25, 2001 at 13:29:47
Comments:
We lost our 3 year old daughter September 29,2001. My husband was hauling our camper, the hitch was 1/8th of an inch too small for the ball. Rachel evidently moved behind the camper when he wasn't looking and the camper let loose. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. But I do know that we will surive this. We have two boys, ages 4 and 5. My heart is breaking for the loss of my child but I can not imagine losing 3. You are both incredilbe people. I wish you peace.


Name: catherine
Email:catherinec@nts-online.net
Location: wichita falls, txDate: Monday, November 19, 2001 at 10:01:07
Comments:
words cannot convey my heartfelt condolences.


Name:Marie Nuccitelli
Email:manic@writeme.com
Location: Lehi, UT USA
Date: Friday, November 9, 2001 at 15:26:17
Comments:
Our son, Dominic Angelo Nuccitelli, died in September of undiagnosed/untreated Infant Botulism. He was almost 5 months old. This link was posted to me as a helpful resource, and I hope to have more time to read through as we struggle with this grief. My dh just lost his job this week, too, so the struggle just seems very heavy right now. We actually didn't have enough extra $$ to meet all the obligations of the hospital bills and funeral, but without a job, we worry. We have faith that all will be well eventually, though. We love our little son, and miss him. We have three older children, too: ashley (8), zildjian (5), and giovanna (2)


Name: Joyce&Dennis Ashton
Email:dillip@worldnet.att.net
Location: Layton, UTDate: Monday, October 15, 2001 at 23:09:46
Comments:
Dear Steve, I wrote you several years ago from Texas when our second son died and our first book came out...Loss&grief Recovery(Baywood NY). Our new book"Jesus Wept: Understanding and Enduring Loss" came out last month and our publisher CFI (1-800skybook) suggested we put it on this site since Dennis still works for LDS Social Services. Now I found you again! I hope you're well. I miss my children too...we always will. You are doing a wonderful service...keep it up. Love, Joyce Ashton


Name: Bonnie Kaplan
Email:bonniekaplan@mediate.com
Location: Plano, TX USA
Date: Friday, September 21, 2001 at 14:14:41
Comments:
Steve, I mediated with you 10 months ago and every now and then I check your site to see how you are. After the recent terrible events, I found myself drawn to your writings. You and Win have traveled a path that few tread. Now we have many more folks who are experiencing terrible losses in their families. May your words comfort them and all who have known great love and great loss. You have shown tremendous courage in sharing your grief with us and you have taught us that faith in God can help us transcend our earthly sorrows. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family.


Date: Friday, September 14, 2001 at 09:15:37
Comments:
Just a reminder that the TOS for this site prohibits advertisements for commercial sites and off-topic posts (e.g. the links to sex sites that some have been posting recently). I will be removing those posts.


Name: Janet Hoult
Email:HOULTight@aol.com
Location: Culver City, CA USA
Date: Saturday, September 1, 2001 at 23:17:13
Comments:
Dear Win, I came across your website while researching your husband's mediation website. God certainly sent me to the right place. My only son, David a promising marine biologist and a musician whose CDs were just beginning to be discovered, was killed in a motorcycle accident at the age of 29. His death changed my world - I decided to take early retirement from the University - colleagues in my department did not understand my grief nor show compassion. Those who had children shunned me as if I had the plague and seemd to feel that being near me would cause them to lose their children as well. My husband and I have found solace in our church and in a group called Compassionate Friends. Just recently, I have begun training for something which will allow me to use my skills in a positive way - mediation. Thank you both for providing support and guidance to those of us who have lost children. You have found a way to give us strength and remind us that God is really in charge of our lives. Blessings on you and your family. Janet Hoult


Name: Lashunda
Email:lashundanicholson@hotmail.com
Location: Schulbruch, De Germany
Date: Monday, August 13, 2001 at 15:12:00
Comments:
I fond your story while doing an internet search. Tommorrow I am going to a funeral for a two year old I loved very much. He died last week from an asthma attack. For the last few days I have been in a state of shock and despair often trying to do anything just not to think aboutit. Although Ty was not my child I along with others loved him as if he were our own. You story has brought me comfort and I admire you courage and I pray for you as I hope you will pray for Ty and his family. May God bless you.


Name:Jari Peltonen
Location: Tampere, FINLAND
Date: Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 12:24:25
Comments:
Hi, Greetings from Finland.


Name:Doris
Email:cdma@kiva.net
Location: Columbus, In USA
Date: Thursday, August 9, 2001 at 22:33:59
Comments:
Your memorial website is so touching, I feel your pain as you miss your beautiful girls.. I just recently lost my 4 yr old son Andrew (Due to aspiration) He was my sunshine! I also had 2 miscarriges back in 1993 which I also miss terribly. Life will never be the same without our Andrew here and we will never understand why but I know how lucky I was to be his mommy and for that I will forever be greatful... Doris


Name: Sallye Klein
Email:wklein@home.com
Location: Lake Forest, CA USA
Date: Tuesday, August 7, 2001 at 15:14:04
Comments:
I was fortunate to have my son for 34 years. He also died from ARDS, but it was the second time. The first time, he had wonderful care at UCI Medical Center and pulled through. The second time his body could no longer fight. I have been circled with so much grief and have felt so much despair - all for me, never thinking about others. You have been through so much more. God Bless you for sharing your loss. You have given me hope for healing. I will keep you in my prayers.


Name:Mindy Runyan
Email:NicknBrittsMama@aol.com
Location: Kingman, AZ USA
Date: Sunday, August 5, 2001 at 19:37:44
Comments:
I just wanted to tell you I have just sat and cried through your daughters' stories and through your journal. I am thinking dinner will be late today :*). We lost our twins, Nicholas and Brittany, at 21.4 weeks gestation. We have a subsequent baby, Gabriel, and I have two sons, Geoff and Steve, and my husband has a son John, all from previous relationships. With Gabriel, our subsequent and only surviving child together, I feel the bittersweet memories you have with precious Rachel, and to a different degree, Heather. You have a very brave daughter to have survived as well as she has. You are a very special family. "A brief life is not an incomplete life" I forgot who said that, but it's part of our GriefShare video series. I wish you peace in the years to come.


Name: Rhonda H
Date: Wednesday, August 1, 2001 at 00:10:40
Comments:
Great Site. Thank You! Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great SiteGreat Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site Great Site


Name:CindyJo (Michelle's Mama)
Email:cindyjo@email.msn.com
Location: Spokane, WA USA
Date: Monday, July 30, 2001 at 23:48:39
Comments:
I am truly in awe over your very vast and informative, bittersweet site in Loving Memory of Three VERY precious little daughters whom any person can plainly see were and always will be very loved and nurtured...Our Father is taking care of our little girls better than we ever could but for us as parents it seems our job came to an end way too soon... Our Michelle Marie was 9 when she was killed after being hit by a car attempting to board her school bus. Michelle was a very loving and happy fourth grader new to the country, we live north of Spokane. Ironically we moved to get away from city life to find peace and solace and five months later we were hit with this tragedy. Michelle was an organ and cornea donor giving life to five people and sight to two young men. I noticed that Win's parents live in Chewelah, WA, which happens to be north of us by about an hours drive! What a very small world this is!God Bless you and yours and please visit Michelle's Site and meet our Family and also if you have time try to go to our other links for other web sites which are Loving Tributes to other children in Heaven. Our Michelle would have been seventeen this August and was killed on Novmeber 5th 1993. I will love her always and forever....Perhaps one of the most striking things I can say is that Michelle memorized Bible Scripture for many years and the last verses she memorized before she parted were John 10:28-29 about Eternal Life, two days later she was in the Father's Kingdom of Paradise...Michelle loved to sing, to act, to draw, make things from scraps and was highly creative and spiritual, she loved life and all living things, great and small, she lived her life to give and was a giver to the very end. I know one day we will embrace for eternity, I love her very much and I miss her more than words could ever say...Peace to you from Michelle's Mama. Cindy Jo


Name: Mandy Agnew
Location: vancouver, bc canada
Date: Saturday, July 14, 2001 at 03:01:01
Comments:
I too am attempting to survive the loss of my two beautiful children. Derek William age 16 and his beautiful sister age 24 Shannon Nicole.My heart aches daily. When you bring children into this world there is no closure.However you do learn coping skills. Bless you your essay helped. with love and thanks. Mandy.


Name: Debbie
Email:gods4you2@aol.com
Location: Radcliff, KYDate: Monday, July 2, 2001 at 12:06:19
Comments:
Death visits us all. When my little buddy Matthew died I was heart broken but I felt I didn't have the right to hurt because he wasn't my child. Matthew had a rare form of cancer and our church walked and prayed with him and his family for almost 4 years. There were moments when the doctors said it was gone that we all rejoiced only to be devestated a year later when they said it was back worse than before. Through my own grieving I wrote this story in honor of Matthew. I miss you buddy. Matthew’s Story By Deborah Wilson In remembrance of Matthew Perine Once upon time in a small town there lived a little boy named Matthew. When he was very very young his mom loved reading him stories from her favorite book. The book was very special to her and he loved to hear her read to him. She often read to him a story about a very special city. A king lived there in the city that loved his people and he met all their needs. It was a special place where there was no sadness, sickness or tears. One day Matthew became very ill and though he was still little he began thinking of the stories that his mom had read to him. He decided that the stories were real and not pretend. Matthew decided that he would take a journey and find this place. The journey was long and hard and Matthew often felt that he couldn't make it. His Mom and Dad was always there with him encouraging him and loving him but he also had a special friend that helped him make it through the extreme hard places. Sometimes just when he was feeling as though he would never find the special city this mysterious friend would appear, take his hand, and help him to go on. Sometimes Matthew would become so tired that his friend would lift him up in his arms and carry him. One day, as Matthew was walking through a dark valley, he became very weak. He just had to lie down for a moment. He smiled at his mom and daddy and then with a sigh he fell fast asleep. When he awakened, he could feel the warmth of the sun. He opened his eyes and found himself lying in soft green grass. A brook was near-by where still yet cool water flowed. Matthew took a drink of water to refresh himself and just then he saw it; reflecting in the water. He couldn't believe his eyes. The most fantastic set of gates made of pearls stood before him. The gates opened as he neared them to unveil a street of pure gold. This must be the city, he thought; the one that his mom had read to him about so many times, from the book. There were mansions as far as his eyes could see. One in particular caught his attention. It stood out from all the others. It was decorated with all types of fine jewels and directly in front sat three thrones just as beautiful. As he walked closer in amazement, Matthew thought he recognized the one who was sitting on the right. His eyes traced the man and when he saw the hands he knew where he knew him. It was his friend. The one who had walked with him on his journey and carried him when he was too tired. He was with him that day in the valley when he had fallen asleep. His friend stood and opened his arms wide to him and said, "Matthew, Welcome Home." Matthew ran into his arms and at last was able to rest, free from pain, sickness and tears. Matthew's family and friends were saddened. Not because they weren't happy about the wonderful place where Matthew was now, but because Matthew was so special and they new they would miss him greatly.


Name: Jamie and Chris Lewis
Email:jamietlewis@home.com
Location: Calgary, Canada
Date: Saturday, June 23, 2001 at 21:55:24
Comments:
Our daughter Payton Jordyn Lewis began her short stay with us on December 21, 1999. And she was the greatest gift me and my wife ever recieved. We thank god everyday for blessing us with her for the 15 months we had her. She taught us so much. Some people search their whole lives for the type of happiness that we had with her. She has an older brother Bailey, and they were the best of friends. Sorry about jumping around so much I have so many memories running through my head right now. We are thankful for your website, but hate to see so many other people going through the pain that we are having to endure. May God Bless you all.


Name: Mary Smith
Email:ralphmarysmith@home.com
Location: McKinney, TXDate: Sunday, June 10, 2001 at 13:53:55
Comments:
I am finally beginning my true grieving process a full five years after losing my first child, Jack. After a terrible pregnancy but many reassurances that the baby was fine, he was born with extreme congential defects. I watched him go through his 10 weeks of life by enduring many unsuccessful surgeries, staph infections and the constant poking and proding that goes along with being in an ICU. I got to hold him only briefly when he was 3 weeks old and then again when he was 6-10 wks. His life was so difficult that, at the time, his death seemed much easier. Five years later, I can now say that I was wrong. I jumped into work, watched my 1st marriage end, and tended to everyone else's needs. I made sure that everyone thought I was OK so those around me would not be uncomfortable. I think I halfway believed it myself. I remarried and had another son in 1998. The pregnancy was terrible again but the outcome was perfect. Unfortunately I have never been able to be the Mother I desire to be and am just now realizing why. I awake everyday with a bit of dread but go through all of the motions and am a good caregiver -- just never very happy. I am carrying a great deal of baggage. I am due with my third child in a few weeks and am just now allowing myself to greive for the son I lost 5 years ago. I don't know where to begin... I have cried an ocean of tears over the past 5 years and have had tremendous fear and doubt with each pregnancy. I have never allowed myself to go very deep into it until yesterday though. Everyone has always thought I had it together so it's very tough on my husband right now. He understands that it's something I must be allowed to go through and has promised to be supportive. I thank you so much for sharing your stories and providing so much information for those of us not really knowing how to allow ourselves to grieve. Best wishes.


Name: Brandie Flackman
Email:rbflack69@hotmail.com
Location: Moore, Oklahoma US
Date: Monday, June 4, 2001 at 01:58:24
Comments:
I would like to say first of all that this is the first time I have talked to anyone since the sudden death of my infant son and you're courage has given me the strength. It all began about May of 1997 I was in the process of breaking up with my boyfriend. I had decided to do it after I got back from my doctors appointment. But instead my doctor came in and told me that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. When I got home Rick (my boyfriend) asked me what was wrong and when I told him I guess he was as surprised as I was. But he was also happy. It was a very hard pregnancy I almost miscarried at 4 months and was bed ridden until 6 months then labor for the remainder of the pregnancy. We didn,t know if I was going to carry him to term or not. He finally arrived after a long night of labor induction because my water broke and nothing else happened. My oldest son Jacob was there to witness the miracle of life. His first words when he seen the baby were "yuck mommy he's ugly put him back." After we got him home both of the children Jacob and Sherri were so excited they wanted to help with everything. But Richie was not a very happy baby. He was always so serious I never seen a child look so serious I just thought he took after his dad. He was the prettiest baby boy I had ever seen he looked so perfect. After he turned 2 months old it seemed like we were always at the doctors with him because he was either not eating or constipated or had severe collic. Our doctor did everything he could to help him with it and then one day he just got better. He started playing with his dad and his grandpa and he even enjoyed his swing. I still remember the first time I heard him laugh. We were at an appointment with my mom and he was looking at an Anne Geddes picture (the one with the babies dressed like sun flowers) and he just started laughing that was on May 10,1998. That was the first and last time I ever heard that laugh. He passed away on May 14,1998 of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It has been just over three years and we now have Jennifer she is 16 months old and I still find myself checking her every hour to make sure she is still breathing. I am still not able to cope with the loss of him and I have some how lost my faith in God. Rick and i are married now and we still think of what would have been. I only hope that one day I will find the strength that I see in you. In loving memory of my son Richard Wayne Flackman III January 22,1998 - May 14,1998 I will remember you always Love Mommy


Name: Lisa & Billy
Email:lisaross_98@yahoo.com
Location: Boston, MADate: Wednesday, May 23, 2001 at 19:53:46
Comments:
How releaved it feels to know were not alone, although I don't wish my pain on anyone else. My companion and I have felt completely isolated, and our friends and family avoid us as if we have the plague. Our life has been tiped upside down since the death of our daughter, Riley Marie. Riley was diagnosed with Cytomegelo Virous. A Flu like virous that can be deadly if you have never contracted the virous and do so while your pregnant. I learned in my 27th week that she had surccumed to her ailment. After a growling three days of labor the worst was yet to come. I longed to see my daughter, dead or alive. And when we had to burrie our little girl, I feel a part of me went with her. Our life has yet to be the same, there is a termendous strain on our relationship. I'm anxious to nurture a pregnancy, but have a fear of loosing another child. Yes, these are all normal feelings...And I cannot express how greatiful I am to be able to log-on and write my feelings and relate with others, unfortunately this is an area our friends and family have difficuly with. So on that note I thank each and every family that had taken the time to share their experiences. I'd also like to share a poem, Enjoy-Lisa Marie Our Heavenly Riley... Our daughter, his sister.... We were planning for a bigger family... Fluffy lace dresses.... Curly pink ribbons.... Barbie dolls and toaster ovens... Teething rings and bath room toys... Evenings awake and afternoons asleep... Instead we lye awake and weep... You started as a seed... And through an ultra sound, I watched you grow like a weed... There weren’t enough minutes in an hour or hours in a day... Every evening I’d lye awake and pray.... As you grew inside your mothers abdomen wall... I would envision, holding you tight... I’d hold you against my heart, so dainty and small... I vowed as a father to protect you and never let you out of my sight... I didn’t know, what I didn’t know.... I thought you were bundled safe within your mother... Then we learned, you had not grown.... Suddenly I started to hover.... No parent would think this day would come... So soon..... So tragic... Why did you succume... Who had time to say goodbye... We never had a chance to see you alive... So innocent and fragile... I would have given my life to see you survive.... Unanswered questions..... Hollow felling.... Shallow suggestions.... Quiet evening..... Is there a remedy to stop these tears from fleeing.... Our life once bight, had rapidly turned black.... Blank faces, and open jaws... That’s if they hadn’t already turned their backs The phone would ring, but their was dead air... Sadly none of our friends would come near... Sympathy cards giving a wild spiel... Mysteriously, our invertations were lost in the mail Had we committed a crime... So sorry, if our long faces are ruining your good time... Were we contagious... Why has our family scurried from us... Am I in a dream... Somebody please, please, wake me before I scream She’s here one day, gone the next.... She left a Protruding belly... And swollen breasts.... stretched out clothing.... And an empty nest Time has passed... And your mothers body is back the same... Yet our minds have not healed... There are days we think were going insane Shall we try again... The third time around, Pink or Blue... I’m waiting for my higher power to send me a clue My heavenly Riley... Daddies little girl... How proud I was, to welcome you into this world... I long to see you once again... Where you can welcome me, in heaven, my heavenly Riley


Name:Traci Wingate
Email:Twingate007@aol.com
Date: Tuesday, May 22, 2001 at 09:24:56
Comments:
I am truly amazed by your courage. I know that it is so hard to even process simple thoughts. You and you rwife have 3 beautiful daughters. I want t o thank-you for sharing so much on your sight. It has helped me. I have lost 2 boys. One at 24 weeks pregnate, Jake, and my beautiful Joshua, 15 years old. Josh died on April 20,2001 of a gran-mal siezure. He was my life! I do have 2 girls, 8 & 3 that help keep me busy, but I am sticken with grief at moments when I think I am doing pretty good. Thank- you so much , you are an inspiration. I know if you can live with the loss of your girls, I will be able to ,also. Traci


Name:Laura
Email:heavenlylights2000@prodigy.net
MN USA
Date: Tuesday, May 8, 2001 at 19:09:06
Comments:
I wanted to stop out and tell you that your site is so very toughing..and your courage is amazing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I am so sorry for your losses. God Bless The Grieving Mother... http://heavenlylightspoetry3.homestead.com/Mothersday.html


Name: allyson
Email:miss_allyson@hotmail.com
Date: Sunday, May 6, 2001 at 20:04:42
Comments:
I just happened upon your site while looking for ideas for a memorial to go on my son's headstone. He died in a car accident on Nov 4, 2000. His name was Thomas he had just turned 13 in Oct. I am in awe of your courage...


Name: JoAnn Barnhart
Email:barnbabies@juno.com
Location: Montgomery, PA USA
Date: Sunday, April 29, 2001 at 22:14:42
Comments:
Thank you for such a wonderful chance to find healing in the words of one who truly knows the pain and sorrow of grief! I thank you for your willingness to share your special family with us all. I would like to share a poem I wrote about my dear baby who was stillborn on February 15, 2001....her daddy's birthday. My Baby She had brown eyes and brown hair and delicate skin. That is what I will tell you, That is where I’ll begin. I can’t tell you about the sound of her cry, But I can tell you how it feels for your baby to die. I can’t tell you about how she kept me up all night, But I can tell you of the hope I feel with the morning light. I can’t tell you how long she nursed at my breast, But I can tell you how this was my greatest test. I can’t tell you how much she loved her blankie, But I can tell you her beauty was wonderful to see. I can’t tell you what her first word would have been, But I can tell you how my soul trembled within. I can’t tell you what her favorite clothes would be, But I can tell you of the hours spent on bended knee. I can’t tell you what would have been her favorite treat, But I can tell you that living without her is quite a feat. I can’t tell you if she was right or left handed, But I can tell you how sometimes I feel branded. I can’t tell you about her first day at school, But I can tell you some words can be hurtful and cruel. I can’t tell you about the day she learned how to walk, But I can tell you so many things if you really want me to talk. She had brown eyes and brown hair and delicate skin. That is what I will tell you, That is where I’ll begin. In memory of Jasmine Isabella Barnhart My heart goes out to your family! With love, JoAnn


Name: Melodee Nobles
Email:mnobles@fccj.org
Location: Jacksonville, FL USA
Date: Wednesday, April 25, 2001 at 12:19:03
Comments:
Thank you for writing this. My 13-year old daughter (my only biological child) was killed in a youth group skiing accident. Am struggling to make sense of it all but I know God will give me grace to get through. God Bless You & My Prayers are with you!


Name: A Johnson
Email:cashj@home.net
Location: Richardson, TX US
Date: Wednesday, April 18, 2001 at 12:43:58
Comments:
I have read your story and am in awe of your courage and faith. Yall are all in my thoughts and prayers...


Name: Lori
Email:slesgraph@aol.com
Location: Baton Rouge, La USA
Date: Wednesday, April 11, 2001 at 02:12:45
Comments:
My 10 year old daughter passed away a week and a half ago. I truly don't know how I am surviving. I can't express to you how reading your journal has somehow relieved me tonight. Even if it is just for tonight you could not know how grateful I am to you for sharing your greatest sorrows. May God bless and keep all four of you always!!!!


Name: Gina
Email:gek974@excite.com
MIDate: Saturday, March 31, 2001 at 23:53:53
Comments:
Steve and Win, I just stumbled upon your website. I am in awe of your courage and your faith and your talents for putting this website together. I am so sorry for the deaths of your three daughters. Your memories of them are so precious. Thank you for sharing your story. I had a miscarriage in September of 1999 and it's been nearly two months since my daughter was born still. God Bless You


Name: Princess Tai
Email:maegirl2000@yahoo.com
ca. USA
Date: Thursday, March 29, 2001 at 15:34:51
Comments:
What a nice site! Keep up the good work. God Bless you!


Name: Robert
Date: Monday, March 19, 2001 at 21:01:29
Comments:
I'm glad to see the book working again. The archives were worth the visit.

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