A New Year, 2003
January
2003
April 9, 2003:
I
have had difficulty making my latest entry. Win graduated from her CRNA program,
and after a couple false steps, has a job she loves with reasonable hours.
Generally she works two days a week, which is enough to pay back her school
loans and to keep current. I'm so proud of her, she has done so much and
is my heart. She also passed her boards and just got the scores back
(in a CRNA program they don't give you class standing and they only tell
you if you passed or failed your boards. Getting the actual score is hard
to do, but she got a perfect 600 out of 600 so they let her know what her
scores were).
I
love my job. I'm not sure I'd do it for free if someone gave me six hundred
million dollars (or whatever number it is that would be more money than I
could count), and I sure don't want my boss to think so, but I really like
my job, my boss and my co-workers. My parents are visiting as I write
(and I took a couple days off of work), and I am really happy in my family.
I've
an almost superstitious fear of writing about life right now. It is as if
I write, somehow I will wake up from a dream and find that things really
didn't happen the way the last several months have felt. I won't love my
in-laws, my parents won't fill me with warm feelings just to look at them,
my surviving children won't give me joy, you know the dread that if you name
happiness it will flee. I've been happy like this before, and so many dreadful
things happened.
I'm
starting my life over in many ways. It is as if I have had a new year and
a new beginning. I don't think I am deeply grateful for it, for friends and
for family. I'm just not sure what to write for people who visit this site.
The last ten years have been so very hard, but we are finally, it seems,
beginning to emerge from the other side. If you have had similar trials or
troubles, I hope that you emerge into a better life more quickly than we
did, and with as much happiness.
Not
much more to say. I felt that I needed to write something, and this is
it.
Current projects, thoughts
and other things:
-
Heather and I are working
on some stories.
-
My favorite author, Suzette
Haden Elgin, has a new book
Peacetalk
101 (and I'm buying extra copies of her out of print books at
half.com
[the prices are amazing -- sometimes you can get The Grandmother Principles,
in hardback, for under five dollars. I keep buying copies of Elgin books
here and giving them away]). I'm doing my best to encourage people to read
Peacetalk
101.
-
I'm still thinking about
what to do next, though I have a newsletter about my original peace making
interests at
http://adrr.com/adr9/
-
And, as always, I love to
hear from friends, if nothing else for the chance to buy them lunch.
May 30, 2004:
We
have been dealing with something difficult -- being happy. As Win said,
there are a lot worse things to deal with.
Sorry I've not said much, but I really enjoy work, saw a therapist
for two visits (rumor was it would help me lose weight, all that happened
is that I lost my craving for chocolat. Given my severe alergy, I figured
it was worth the money. I've been lifting weights, using machines at
a fitness club. I've maxed out five of the machines I use, which is a first
for me by five machines. Lots of work on the kitchen and getting rid of all
the termite damage the house had.
Just wanted to let everyone know we were alive and doing so much
better.
