Name: Joeann Poe
Date: Monday, November 9, 1998 at 12:57:47
It is rare that I find someone who has lost three children. I too have had three to die. A son, 15, from brain cancer. A daughter 21days, congential heart defect. A son 26, congential heart defect. You have my deepest sympathy. Only someone who has been there can truly understand the meaning of our loss.
I feel so empty and hopeless about the death of a friend's baby. I feel that I should be saying or doing something to ease their pain. I went to the hospital to see my friend and I didn't know what to say. I felt bad about not saying enough but wondered if it was best to say very little. My friend was surprised that I hadn't gone to work that day. I guess she doesn't realize how much she means to me and how much the little life she carried inside means to me. I certainly would have been surprised if the people that know me and love me had just gone on with their day after something so awful had happened to me. I love my friend and I just wish I could make the hurt stop for her and her family. While we were at the hospital, the Ricky Lake show was on. The topic was asking a friend or family member to have a baby for you since you're not able to do so. I wanted so much to tell my friend that I would carry a baby for her. My heart is aching so much that I still contemplate doing such an act. I certainly have no desire to be pregnant again, but I just wish there were some way I could give my friend what she needs to make her and her family feel better. Thank you for sharing your unfortunate experience with the world. You have truly helped me. I wouldn't have taken the time to go to a support group so reading about your experience and how you've managed has truly helped me. I have printed some sections of your story to give to my friend to read. I hope she will read them and feel somewhat better.
This is the second time I have run across your page. I have been haunted by the first time, and I really wanted to avoid it, because it scares me. I am in anguish from the death of my only child Will Thomas Morse on Sept. 2, 1998. He died of bacterial meningitis/septic shock just two weeks before his first birthday. I don't know how to go on. It is overwhelming to think of living the rest of my life without him and in this pain. I don't know how you are still here. Sometimes I think the only thing to live for would be another child - that is why your story scares me so much. I want to think it can't happen twice. I wish I could say I'm praying for you, but I can't even pray for myself.
Thank you for sharing your letters on the internet. Sharing your pain with me has made me realize, once again, that we can't take anything for granted and to appreciate our life one day at a time. Thank you and God Bless.
Dear Steve, a very lovely lady called Ellen contacted me via e-mail after reading my entry on your site. Unfortunately She must have given me the wrong e-mail address, as I keep getting my letter back undelivered. Ellen if youre out there and you read this, please contact me again. I think we have so much to share about Tiffany and Austin and Life and Death. As always love and strength to you Steve, and to Win and Heather. Love Eleanor.
beatyfull page, congratulations, Bye Massimo.
My heart aches to hear of your pain. I lost my infant son 4 years ago and the pain to this day is still unbearable. I cannot imagine having to survive through the pain you both must face, but please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I admire you for your strength and courage to go on as I am unsure if I could do the same in the event that my other two children were taken from me as well. May your life bring you peace, love, and the happiness your family so much deserves. Take care of yourselves and I send my love your way. Love, Terri Wieckowski
My 5 month old son has SMA Type I, which is usually fatal within a year. He will lose all ability to move, then eat, then finally breathe. It is a horrible disease and a horrible thing to have to watch your child go through. Losing three pushes the limits of my imagination. You show a lot of strength-as I sometimes don't feel like waking up and watching one die. I stumbled on this website while looking up other parents who have lost children. I'm sorry for your losses, and you will be in my prayers.
I was searching through the links listed when i stumbled onto your story. How my heart ached for you as tears filled my eyes. You are a very strong and couragous woman, your story will forever be in my mind. Your family is in my daily prayers.
We are lucky enough not to have experienced pain such as yours, we send you our deepest sympathy, your story will remain with us always. You are in our prayers.
I was looking for grief support on the internet tonight and found your site. I am grieving for the loss of my precious Tiffany, 16 yrs, whom I lost on August 26, 1998. I am having a great deal of trouble accepting her death as she was mis-diagnosed by the medical people involved and it appears to me that due to this, they killed her. I continue to look to my faith for support and encouragement. I can't even think of losing more than one child right now. I am trying to get my life moving again, in what direction I don't know. Just trying to pay some bills for now. I'm still asking God why. So many things that I can't understand. God bless you and I feel your loss. LSW
Dear Steve and Win, never believe yourselves to be anything but magnificant human beings, because you are. I know a bit about your loss, I buried Claire when she was 8 years old, very suddenly, from a stroke, brought on by Fallot's Tetralogy, the form of Congenital Heart disease she was born with. As you say, the English language does not have the words to describe the sort of pain that accompanies that sort of loss. My husband could not cope with Claire's death (he worshipped the ground she walked on...Claire was a fabulous child) and within 7 weeks of her death, he had a nervous breakdown from which he never recovered, and we seperated forever. I was thus left with two other girls aged 7 and 4 years, and two tiny boys aged 20 months and 7 months to raise alone. Life, as I knew it, had changed forever!! But, we got on with it, and today, 12 years later (Claire died on June 1st, 1986) we are a happy, contented unit, and the girls are now aged 19 and 16 yrs, and the boys are 11 and 12 yrs old,and heading for 6 foot tall, and we have SURVIVED!! But, we lived through some dire, bleak, black times, believe me. But, I never lost the hope that things had to get better, and that carried me through. I never looked for another partner, because, when my husband was a well man, there was no greater husband and father, and I could'nt believe that anyone could love us as he used to. Instead, I used my energies to study and further my own education, and today I have a dream job, which gives me the money and the flexibility to be a good mom. My whole point is: to anyone on, or, anyone who finds themselves emabarking on their own healing path, following grief, loss and bereavement, look forward..not back!! Life is Changed...not Ended. And never, ever give up...remember..the Darkest Hour is Just before the Dawn. God Bless you all, especially Steve and Win, anne.
Dear Steve and Win, Today would have been the third birthday of Kristen, my third daughter, had she lived. Like Robin she was born with a heart condition, but after a shunt surgery at 4 days old, was doing well. Her hardest problem was weight gain. She would have had her open heart repair when she was 20 lbs or so. We lost her at daycare- where she was overfed and choked. She was 23 minutes without oxygen. Ironically, her heart came throught the episode well, but her brain did not. She was in a coma for 6 weeks before we made the painful decision to discontinue her life support, since there was not much left of her brain. I cannot the unimaginable pain of losing more than one child. My husband served me not long after Kristen's death, and it was my two children that kept me functioning day to day. I too had tremendous financial problems (lack of employment, lack of incentive -grief-, divorce, etc). I found your site since I wanted to feel someone else had "been there." Your story has given me that kinship. Thank you! The girls aand I celebrate Kristen's birthdays with a small cake, appropriate candles, handmade (and handfelt!) cards, and small "angel" gifts. We have a "memory basket" with her favorite toys, ashes, and other mementos. The girls pull out the basket and leave drawings, notes, cards, etc to Kristen when they want to "touch her." I have encouraged their belief that Kristen will always be their guardian angel. I find both pain and comfort in these rituals, and comfort knowing that the grief and ordeal (2 1/2 years now) of grief (especially anniversary dates) and financial difficulty are not mine alone. Bless you for staying together and drawing strength from each other. May Heather find her own grief resolution. We still hang a stocking for Kristen at Christmas, and put put a basket for her at Easter. I have found that these little reminders keep Kristen alive in our minds. Although my deepest regret is not getting to see her reach her potential, I envision her growing year by year. My oldest daughter- with a wisdom beyond her years- told me (at 6 when Kristen died) that "spirits have no ages." So your daughters spirits are with you daily, and you can celebrate both their past, but also present and future. My 6 year old also asked our minister if Kristen would go to the first grade. His response was "Angels do what they want to." Your angels are "doing what they want to" also. These small things help me through my grief- perhaps they will be a small comfort to you as well. Bless you and your family, Kimberly
Dear Steve, every now and then I visit your website to see how you, Win and Heather are doing. I am always deeply moved by your words,they mirror so much the terrible pain of my own loss. Despite the enormous weight of your lifes journey , your words have always carried an aspect of hope and faith. I feel so profoundly the despair you express in your latest journal entries. It is so hard as mere mortals to understand the ways of the Divine. It is possible that the terror in our lives, at a level that is impossible for us to comprehend, is in fact a great gift. We have chosen to do much work in this life at a crucial spiritual level. In some ways Steve, you are exempt from life's little trivia, its middle class sensibilities; you don't have to buy the syndrome of the suburbs, you could just as well be living in a cave in the Italian country-side! Anything is possible... You must see this. Ask God what He wants of you and He will answer. Stop thinking so tribally. It is the darkest night of the soul, but the potential for growth is so real. Allow synchronicity into your life. PLease, please read Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, or her other book, Why people don't heal and how they can. As my family move towards the first anniversary of Tiffany's death, there is great pain. We are leaving our hometown and heading for a new life at the foot of the mountain in Cape Town. It is one thing to feel yourself as damaged, but another to have a whole community see you in that same light. So we're blowing this town!! Starting anew. Maybe you need to do this too...Recreate yourself. Remember the Divine works in paradox, risky is safe and safe is risky. Enter the world behind your eyes. Begin a new journey. God bless you. I love you. Eleanor
I found your site while doing some research on ADR/mediation. I just want you to know that there's many, many people out here who just love the both of you and your entire family and we just start praying for you the moment we read any part of your page. My heart goes out to the both of you. Love, Sherri
I stumbled on your site while looking for ways to help my husband and I deal with our grief. We lost our 28 year old son fifty-four days ago to heart disease, my brother ten weeks before that and our daughter in law miscarried in between. I am truly sorry for your tragic loss of your beautiful daughters. I pray for serenity for all of you.
We lost our baby girl nearly 8 years ago. I would love to go back and just hold her for 1 minute, feel her warmth and feel her soft skin and hair again. Our story is different from the ones that I have read. I loved her, adored her, miss her terribly everyday. I have learned to cry silent tears, smile even though the pain is still there. We have carried on but I am scared, scared for life. Nothing can replace a child.
A million thanks to you for setting this up. I have been searching for two days for something that was meaningful and helpful. This is it. We lost our son to a flu virus, Sept 21. He was 23 and very healthy (we thought). Thank you for the help and support we need right now.
I cannot imagine and hope I never have to, what it must be like to lose all of your children. I lost my only son almost seven months ago. I have only my daughter now. My grief is so large, such a horrible thing it is. May God bless our children's souls and show them everyday how much we miss them and love them.
Hello I was a bit concerned as to if you were healed yet. I'm sorry about your loss. How did they die? I just wanted you to know that God didn't take away your girls. That was life and believe me, He does care very much. When His children cry, He cries, when we celebrate, He celebrates too. God bless you and your wife and your family. Mary
Dear Steve, Just wanted to say thank you. My beautiful little girl, Alexandra, died five years ago. She was four, and her death, due to an adverse drug reaction, was totally unexpected. Two years ago we discovered that our surviving child, our darling son, Angus, has a progressive genetic disease which will also take him from us, probably soon. So, you see, I know a little about this excruciating pain we share. I want you to know, however, that the love and faith that is obvious in your family's life has helped me greatly. God bless you all. Lynne
My heart goes out to you! I share in your grief as my 9 yr old son, Nathan was killed on Dec. 13, 1997 when we were hit by a semi. My husband was paralyzed in the same accident. Nathan is my life, my love, my joy, my world. He is the love I've searched for, forever! He is the other half of me. The part that completed me and made me whole. He touched the hearts of every person he knew. I cannot understand why he died when I needed & loved him so much. I have asked many of the same questions you have and felt the same way. I trusted the Lord with my life and our future. Why? But God has never failed me! He has uplifted me and His grace is sufficient! I have been trying to fill the void in my heart, but it goes back to God. I could not endure this agony and pain without Him. My two surviving sons, Ricky & Jacob are my strength and purpose now, as is my Lord. They get me through the hours of each day. I didn't think I could ever survive the past nine months without Nathan. But I have; one moment at a time. I feel as if my heart is being ripped out and I can't take anymore pain. I expect Nathan to appear and for God to tell me He made a mistake. But God doesn't make mistakes. I could not imagine your loss of three children. God surely has worked in your life to enable you to continue after this loss. It would be hard to praise God after such a trial. But as Job did, so have you praised God and given him the glory. I have found that your experience has touched my life as no other has before. You have given me continued hope & faith of God's promises. Thank you for sharing your life, loss and victory. You are truly an inspiration!
My heart goes out to you on the loss of three very precious children. There is life after loss...what a concept that I am just now beginning to discover. What an inspiring page, thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts. May God continue to Bless you.
I looked up my name on the internet and I was brought to this page. Believe me, I know about loss, and it is a privelidge to share the same name as one of your daughters. Take care, Courtney Kathleen
A 7-year-old little girl named Kaylee died tonight from leukemia. She and her family had battled this cruel disease for over 1 1/2 years. This family is suffering such tremendous, unbelievable grief, as have the other families I have read about in your site. It is so hard to know the "right" things to say and/or do for a family in this situation. Your site has provided me some helpful insights. Thank you for sharing the most painful experiences any parent can imagine with us. Because of sites such as yours, maybe friends of grieving families will better understand the grieving process so that we will at least know what NOT to do and/or say to make the pain and dispair of losing a child even more unbearable.
I think that you are probably the strongest family I have ever heard of. I found your site as I tried to find support material after losing a best friend / kindred spirit this February. I can't believe that you have endured the pain that you have, and have turned that into a way to help others. You are truly self-less. God bless you and your family.
I found this page by accident, I had been looking for a virtural memorial page. However I am glad that I did and the story you wrote and the things you said about your daughter touched my heart very deeply. I lost my youngest son Spence,three years ago on Sept 2nd he was 18. I lost my only other son,Vince two years and three months later on Christmas Day of this past year, he was 22. I can't say anything to you other than my heart knows the pain that yours does, and even though each persons pain is there own, only a parent can relate to another parents loss. God Bless you and your family for sharing a little of your daughter with us all.
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING ON THE INTERNET FOR SOME HELP AND FOUND YOURS. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALOT. I LOST MY DAUGHTER KELLY ON JUNE 20, 1998 IN AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT SHE WAS 21 YEARS OLD. FOUR YEARS AGO I ALSO LOST MY STEPSON LARRY WHO WAS ALSO 21 YEARS OLD TO ACCIDENT WITH A LIGHTED SIGN THAT ELECTRICUITED HIM. I HAVE A SON WHO IS 14 YEARS OLD AND CANNOT HAVE ANYMORE CHILDREN HE HAS BEEN THOUGH ALOT FOR HIS YOUNG AGE AND SO HAVE MY HUSBAND AND I. I STILL CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW SO MUCH PAIN CAN HIT ONE FAMILY SO MUCH. HOW SOME PEOPLE ARE SO FORTUNATE TO NEVER EXPERIENCE THIS HURT.
I had no idea when I went looking for mediation materials that I would find such sadness. God bless you and your family. Don't lose your wonderful faith.
Dear Steve: I read your latest thoughts about Heather. One of the hardest things about losing a child is helping the surviving children deal with their grief, especially when you don't know how to deal with your own. I understand your worries about Heather, but remember, as I tell my children, she will have so much more understanding and compassion for others. She will never be the mean spirited child some are because she knows the value of life and love and caring in the way that only those of us who have experienced loss can. Her life is inexorably changed, and lessened with the loss of her sisters, but there are many things she has learned. She has watched her parents suffer great adversity and rise to meet it. She has seen demonstrations of parenting at its utmost. She has received the caring and compassion of the community and friends and I am sure that as an adult giving back will be an important part of her life. Worth the price of no siblings? Absolutely not, but we find the good where we can and turn the bad on its head when we are able. I will be thinking of your family through the next week as we anticipate the anniversary of my father's death on August 27. God Bless
I sit here tonight on the 13th year of my daughters death and still say WHY.sHE DIED TONIGTT 13 YRS AGO. On July 31st a year prior my 5 year Grandson was killed by a car and died in my arms. I say enough. I will say compassiiont freinds is the only thing that got us through this....
Dear Steve, Our daughter, Jennifer, died May 22,1998 after a 10 hour surgery for scoliosis. I can't imagine losing three daughters. I have to force myself out of bed every morning and try to continue a life that seems so empty. If it weren't for my wonderful husband, eight year old son Ian and a host of family and friends, I'm sure I would be in a "rubber room" by now. My husband Steve put a virtural-memorial on the internet for Jenn and I visit it many times a day. I found a poem on it called "And God Said No" it gave me some comfort.Please accept my love and hope that the healing will come. God does love us, I'm sure.
i FOUND YOUR WEB SITE WHILE TRYING TO FIND SOME HELPFUL INFORMATION ON GRIEF. I LOST MY 13 YR OLD DAUGHTER ERIN JUNE 28 1998 AND AM IN NEED OF THINGS THAT YOU ARE VERY MUCH AWARE OF
Dear Steve: I lost my daughter to cancer August 6, 1997. I remember the day she died I was so filled with memories of the day of her birth. I felt like I was holding her in my arms. On her birthday I couldn't call up those memories. It was if she had never existed. As the anniversary of her death approaches I once again find that memories of her are retreating. I don't know which is more painful, remembering or not being able to. I have to believe that remembering would be more painful and that is why I can't do it. This year has been filled with memories as we relived her illness day by day, event by event. She was diagnosed on August 26, 1996. It is incredible to me that it has been almost two years. I know there has been healing but the there are still things that reduce me to tears unexpectedly, as we all know. God will be with you and your family as this difficult time continues. I have read your web page frequently for the last year and think of you like friends. Thanks for being so open and helping all of us to know that while our grief is our own, we are not on the road alone.
Thank you to everyone for your kind words. It is a terrible time for me, from Robin's birth day to August 31, when she died a year ago, and I really appreciate everything that people have written. My apologies for not writing back, I don't always have the strength.
I am so VERY VERY sorry to read about the losses of your daughters! I can't believe that one family has to go through so much loss!! I have buried a child myself and I know the pain that one feels when they lose one child - I can't imagine surviving the loss of any more children.
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