Table of Contents for Guestbook
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volume 1

volume 2

volume 3,

volume 4

volume 5,

volume 6

volume 7


volume 9 

volume 10

Guestbook Volume 4

Location: Red Deer, Alberta Canada
Date: Tuesday, July 14, 1998 at 00:30:59

I am so VERY VERY sorry to read about the losses of your daughters! I can't believe that one family has to go through so much loss!! I have buried a child myself and I know the pain that one feels when they loose one child - I can't imagine surviving the loss of any more children.

Location: Springfield, PA USA
Date: Monday, June 29, 1998 at 08:25:24
Steve: Having a hard time living with the loss of one child I cannot comprehend what it must be like to lose three. Your page offers much practical as well as inspirational information for bereaved parents. Thank you for making it available to all of us. Warmest regards!

Location: Springfield, PA USA
Date: Monday, June 29, 1998 at 08:24:54
Steve: Having a hard time living with the loss of one child I cannot comprehend what it must be like to lose three. Your page offers much practical as well as inspirational information for bereaved parents. Thank you for making it available to all of us. Warmest regards!

Name: summer
Location: middleburg, fl usa
Date: Saturday, June 27, 1998 at 10:45:23

Name: Patti Behrens
Location: Granite Bay, CA USA
Date: Friday, June 26, 1998 at 17:21:55
I was so touched by the courage you have shown in sharing your experiences of loss. I to have experienced multiple losses. In Sept. of 1993 I gave birth to a baby boy who had died in utero at 28 wks. It was totally unexpected and I thought I would die from the pain of losing an infant. The following year I had 2 miscarriages just 5 months apart. I had started to believe they we may never have another child. Then in Oct. of 1996 we had a healthy baby girl. She has brought us so much joy. I also have two older children who are healthy and happy and I thank God every day that I have them. In just a few short weeks I will be giving birth to another baby. I wish I could tell you that this baby is perfect and healthy, but that is not the case. This baby has Anencephaly and will die shortly after birth. That is if it survives the birth itself. I to kept asking why. What did I do or not do to cause this horrible thing to my baby. I prayed and decided to put it in God's hands. He has been the source of my strength and comfort thru these last few months. I am so grateful for the gospel and the knowledge of knowing that this baby is ours for eternity. When I leave this earthly home I will be reunited with my babies.....for eternity. What greater joy than knowing they are in the presense of God. We certainly will grieve for our little one but our faith is strong and our home full of love. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my thoughts with those who will read these pages.

Name: Allison
Date: Sunday, June 21, 1998 at 18:51:18
I'll pray for you, I really don't know what else to say. I am sorry which I am sure you have heard over and over all my friends always said it was hard or they didn't know what to say I do see that very clear now I see your pain most be so much more than mine. I am 15 and I lost a older friend she was one of my sisters best friends and I thought of her like a sister. I see how hard it is for me and how I always think about her and everything I told her. I'll pray for you!

Name: Donna
Location: Rock Island, Wn USA
Date: Monday, June 15, 1998 at 19:32:17
I am a hospice volunteer. I am just doing some surfing to related sites. I am very impressed with this one. It is also very sad but I am glad I came. Thanks for being so candid. I will come back.
Location: Ft.Worth, TX USA
Date: Monday, June 15, 1998 at 02:05:45
Thank you for opening up your lives to those of us who have lost our precious children. I was looking for some other mother who has lost but I did not expect to find your story. We lost our son in a car crash coming home from Philmont, NM. His former Bishop and now YM President was driving and we were told originally that he had a blow out and lost control.No on was wearing seat belts except the Bishop and his son. He was speeding and had had 4 hours sleep. Was quoted saying"Iwant to be home by supper". Took little stops. The men behind them were not having anyone wear seatbelts either. It wasn't until the accident report that we realized he had simply lost control. Good weather, open roads. Then we heard he was looking for a map... it goes on there was more neglect even from the beginning. I have forgiven and will continue to pray for all of us but there is the issue of accountability and the answer was too often "It was meant to be..." "At least you know he's made it..." We had to finally hire an attorney to even get information on the insurance coverage. The Boy Souts locally would not speak to my husband even though he had been awarded honors by them. I could go on but the issues are nothing compared to the loss and now we are trying to get a safety program in place through the church and through the scouts. In both areas we are not well received but I feel compelled to not just say Amen. We must try and train people better that they would never transport a child negligently. We are counseled that this is artificial and even revengeful. You seem so clear for having gone through so much. I would welcome your opinion or counsel or anyone elses for that matter.

Name: Eleanor Katzeff
South Africa.
Date: Sunday, June 14, 1998 at 06:22:18
Dearest Steve, Win and Heather, A lifetime ago, just after the birth of my fourth child, I asked how the Universe apportioned it's pain. A friend had just lost a daughter in a car accident, and 10 months later gave birth to a retarded little boy.Here I was ,having been blessed with three beautiful daughters, now the mother of a healthy son. How much pain I wondered, could one family endure? In January of this year G-d answered my question, we lost our beautiful daughter Tiffany Raine in a freak car accident. She was eleven years old; a radiant, imaginative and talented being. The pain we have had to endure as a family has been profound, and yet from somewhere, very slowly, comes the will to prevail; and to ensure that our life now born pale and new, becomes a testimony to our beloved child. I have always believed that we are spiritual beings enjoying a physical experience, and that our souls are eternal and ever evolving. As a jewess I have discovered that as with many Eastern religions, Judiasm believes in reincarnation. I have found this belief enormously comforting. I believe that my daughter had fulfilled her lifes work and that we had all at soul-level, agreed to this pain and seperation. She was a Flame that burnt bright for such a short time, and we will all be better, more compassionate people for having known and loved her. I have found the work of Dr Brian Weiss most reaffirming, and books by Caroline Myss (Anatomy of the Spirit) will ensure that shock and grief do not result in illness. I wish you all G-ds light and strength. Should you ever wish to visit S.A, we have a holiday cottage in Cape Town and you are welcome at any time to use it. All my love, Eleanor.

Name: Kay
Date: Saturday, May 30, 1998 at 16:15:05
Steve & Heather, Thankyou for your courage in writing your page, my only daughter Reanne died on 24th September 1997 aged 5 years. To lose 3 children is incomprehensible. I can hardly write for the tears that have been so long in coming. perhaps now I can start the healing process. God pless and may you find peace.

Name: Laura Stewart
Location: Pontiac, MIDate: Saturday, May 30, 1998 at 16:11:38
Steve and Win, What an amazing story. Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing with us. Our children are such a blessing from God that we should never take for granted. Sometimes I find myself doing this, we have a 3yr old daughter and 1yr. old son,with the day to day struggles and monotony I sometimes find myself taking what I've got for granted. We also have a little one in heaven on Jesus' knee. Leah Rose was born on April 25 1996 she would be two now, but she only lived for about 15 minutes. We held her and took pictures and I will treasure that precious time with her in my heart until the day I see her again. When our first daughter Elena was born, I guess I was quite nieve, because I never even let myself think something could happen to her and I wouldn't bring her home and then one year later when I was about 5 months along carrying Leah, We found out through routine ultrasound that she would not live. We were told that I could carry full term but she would not make it. One kidney could not be found, the other was cystic, therefore they were not doing their job of making the amnyotic fluid and her lungs would not develop properly. We wanted to leave our faith and hope in God that if there was going to be a miracle in this situation we would not stand in the way of that. So I carried Leah for two more months and delivered her naturally at 29 weeks. I remember the trauma like it was yesterday. All the tests confirmed she could not live. But she was my baby, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, only 2lbs and 8oz but looked normal on the outside. We held her and loved her for as long as we could. This loss has been the most traumatic of my life, but I don't even want to imagine loosing our precious Elena, or Joshua any time in the future. Your strength through these amazing circumstances is a great example to others and I am so thankful for your willingness to share that with others. I believe that shareing and helping others through similiar losses can bring growth and strength to our lives. God Bless your family. In Him, Laura Stewart

Name: Laura Stewart
Date: Saturday, May 30, 1998 at 15:50:35

Name: Mary Breneman
Location: Apex, NC USA
Date: Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 13:23:12
First of all I would like to thank you and your family for sharing your story. It truely has been a great comfort to me to read Win's talk as well as many other entries in this site. I have done lots of reading trying to deal with my grief but none of it has been able to cover the spirtual issues to my satifaction because they had not been written by members of the Church. I have truely needed to read this with your "eternal perspectives" to be able to move on in my own grieving process. I have miscarried twins, October 1995, gave birth to a premature stillborn son, June 1996, and I have a premature daughter, April 1998, who lived for only an hour. I also have one living daughter, 11 months, who I rarely let out of my sight. I am very blessed to have her, the difference between my first two losses without her and this last one with her in my arms is immense. My husband and I were talking the other night and I asked him if he realized that we already had as many children as my parents, five. He said that he had never actually thought of it, but said that we will be truely busy one day. I am very thankful for our enternal perspective, for the knowledge that I will always have these children. While it does not keep me from the pain of missing them and longing for them; on my good days I can imagin my heavenly home with all of my babies around me and on the bad ones, through my tears, I can remember that we will be together again even thought it seems so far away. Thank you again for the blessing that this sight has brought into my life. Mary

Name: Valerie Payne
Location: Rio Rancho, NM USA
Date: Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 01:18:07
I am now approaching the 2nd anniversary of the death of my nearly three year old son, Travis. I have really appreciated the things I have read here tonight. I've printed our Win's BYU Women's Conf. talk and intend to read it again as well as Steve's journal, section four. I have worked through the grief process over and over again. I really thought it was over, but as June 24th looms ever nearer I find myself struggling to maintain normalcy. Thank you for sharing with us and for providing a place for us to share our own stories.

Name: Valerie Payne
Date: Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 01:05:58

Name:Vincent Wright
Location: East Hartford, CT USA
Date: Monday, May 25, 1998 at 19:02:37
Steve & Win My mother was a bone cancer patient. She was diagnosed with cancer in the summer of 1986. Because of the severity of her illness, we were asked if we'd like to talk to a social worker for our comfort. Since I am always open to getting a better perspective on this difficult subject, I volunteered to talk. I was disappointed. What follows is my opinion of a key phrase of solace that was used during my conversation. Sincerely, Vincent Wright A Fighting Spirit! The social worker said to me "It would be nice if she could just let go." She said this - with the best of intentions - in reference to my mother who has been struggling with multiple myeloma since being diagnosed with it eight years ago. Ordinarily this statement would not have caught my attention except that I had recently cautioned a friend about her penchant to rush through traffic. We rush, we rush, we rush! We rush into life; we rush through life; and now it seems that we should rush out of life! What next? Shall we rush through eternity? Where's the "quality care" in that kind of thinking? This "RUSH" mentality is symptomatic of a "dis-eased" philosophy! I'd like to think that at least the death process can be a time of intimacy between a person and their God. And intimacy should never be rushed! Of course, my mother's body has been ravaged by this disease and I struggle to remember her with that abundant physical strength with which she raised me. But we don't love our mothers for their bodies - we love them for their SPIRIT! And as long as her spirit is alive in that ragged body of hers, I want her to live every nanosecond of her life. If I appear to be a doting son or a momma's boy, so be it. But she proved herself to be a tremendous friend to me over the past forty three years and I know that if I were suffering from cancer and she had strength, I would have "quality" attention - and NO suggestion of letting go! Could you look at your best friend and encourage them to "let go" of their final seconds; to let go of the final vestiges of the universe's greatest miracle? (A friend is a friend and just because she also happens to be your mother doesn't mean that she should be treated differently.) For whose benefit should we want her to rush through her dying process? Certainly not for my benefit - for I learn new and fruitful things from her every day. We don't know what kind of communication is going on inside the womb as a new person is being developed, nor do we know the nature of the communication that is going on inside a person who is dying. Though under the influence of morphine, to observe my mother in her sleep, saying, "Yes, Jesus", "Yes, Jesus", as if she were respectfully conversing with the Lord, is a wonder and a beauty to me. Though her verbal communication has been greatly reduced and her body has all but vanished, the spirit that I know as my mother - the spirit that has loved, chastised and forged me - is as strong as ever in her. I don't believe in Kevorkianism! There are lessons in pain. Witnessing pain educates those of us who want to learn from it. It teaches us to savor life more fully. It teaches us to be better, more comprehensive lovers of life and it is the best teacher of empathy. And empathy is the beginning of "quality care".

Name: Alisa Green
Location: The Colony, TXDate: Saturday, May 16, 1998 at 08:11:26
Steve & Win, I was just trying to find Win's talk on the Web and found this. I wanted to express my love for you all and Heather. I learned much by reading your thoughts from the last years. I know I have shared some of your sadness, but I also know I have not said enough times how much I love your family. I have been thinking about Jessica lately, I have some fun pictures of Jeff & her in sailor outfits when they were 2. I will try to scan and send them to you. Jessica would have loved Girls Camp. This would have been her first year. Jeff is a Blazer scout now, somehow it doesn't seem very fair. I guess when I don't know what to say, the safest way to not say the wrong thing is not to say anything. Reading your journals, helped me realize how WRONG that is. I am so proud to see both of you sharing your experiences to try to help others. I was logged on to a Mormon parenting group, and a grief question was asked, I sent them a paraphrase from on part of Win's talk, they emailed that is really helped, and now I can tell them about your web site. You guys are the best of friends, I look at where we are today, and know without your intervention, we would still be struggling in Wichita Falls. Oh - one personal note - if ever I talk to a certain heart transplant patient - never mind - he would never understand. I am sorry for his unkindness....

Name:Captain Harry Martin
Location: Orlando, FL US
Date: Friday, May 15, 1998 at 14:55:53
I found your story most inspiring and a great testimony of faith and the love of Jesus. Keep up the good work.

Name: Mary Ann Burdett
Location: Blythe, Ca USA
Date: Monday, May 11, 1998 at 04:48:11
I recently (2/27)lost my daughter-in-law and I am so many mixed feelings. Your courage and strength are unmatched.I hope I never feel the pain you have suffered.Life is so precious and short.You have given me inspirtion.She left behind 4 boys 6 to 9 months,she always wanted a girl and kept trying until she did. The only thing is , is that the little girl went with her.Life can seem so unfair and I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything.Heaven is a better place!

Name: Mary Ann Burdett
Location: Blythe, Ca USA
Date: Monday, May 11, 1998 at 04:46:15
I recently (2/27)lost my daughter-in-law and I am so many mixed feelings. Your courage and strength are unmatched.I hope I never feel the pain you have suffered.Life is so precious and short.You have given me inspirtion.She left behind 4 boys 6 to 9 months,she always wanted a girl and kept trying until she did. The only thing is , is that the little girl went with her.Life can seem so unfair and I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything.Heaven is a better place!

Date: Sunday, May 3, 1998 at 22:18:56
Had an interesting on-line comment on the subject of pain, loss and God at -- it is by Orson Scott Card who has lost one child and who has another who is terminal.

[redacted post] Remember, this is a Guestbook for a site on the loss of a child, not to advertise smoking hemp, homosexual services or to attack religions.  Comments of that sort will be redacted.  Please show some decency and restraint if you are thinking of spamming this page.  Thank you.

Name:Heather Borean
Location: Mississauga, Ont Canada
Date: Friday, May 1, 1998 at 07:31:41
A comment seems out of place. I think most of us know some one who has lost a child, I know a number of people who have. To contemplate the loss of one child is incredibly painful, to cope with the loss of three? Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Name: Debbie
Location: Milford, OH USA
Date: Monday, April 27, 1998 at 08:25:14
Dear Steve, I lost my son Benjamin on April 3rd, 1998. Everyday is such a empty struggle. I was visiting my Father and this was the first time he had met his grandson. He fell into the swimming pool and drowned. I have so much grief and pain. The guilt I feel is overwhelming I feel I should have been able to do somrthing to help him. I was searching the web when I found your site. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family must go through. I will keep you in our prayers and thank you for this wonderful site. It is a blessing and helps me get through each day. I hang onto the promise of God that one day I will hold my beautiful Benjamin again some day. May God Bless. Debbie

Name: Louise
Location: Mississauga, On Canada
Date: Wednesday, April 22, 1998 at 09:36:39
I am so sorry for the losses of your three children. I lost my oldest Son in a car accident last summer. The pain I am feeling just overwelmes me some times, but I am sure that it cannot compare to the pain you and your wife are ging through. My heart goes out to you and hopefully it will help you to be a little stronger just as you have helped me. Louise

Name: Dawn
Date: Monday, April 20, 1998 at 20:41:16
Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine the depths of your pain. I will hug each of my kid a little tighter tonight and say a prayer for your family.

Name: Jane Milam
Location: Hercules, C A USA
Date: Saturday, April 18, 1998 at 18:52:57
I have felt so alone until I found this web site. Our son David passed away August 4, 1998, he was only 21. Our son went to the doctor on Friday and was told he had the flu. Come Sunday we took him to the hospital and they did a blood test and we were told he had Leukemia. We were in shock but was told with treatment he would be fine. The doctors did not want to transfer him to a hospital facility for this desease until morning and then they would do a bone marrow test and he needed 4 units of blood but also wanted to wait on that. We trusted these specialist and went along with there plan. Our son had many seizures and the doctors were called back many times but we were told it was part of his illness. The doctors left the hospital and told us to wait till morning. As we sat along our sons bedside we watched him slip right before our eyes as we were told he was resting but all along unconscious. Finally around 4:30 AM we got up and told the nurses they must call the doctor as our son is slipping away . He went into cardiac arrest and died. The bone marrow test was taken and it showed he did not have this desease, and we had to do a artopsy which showed Marocarditis of the heart. Maybe if he was treated for the right illness maybe are son would be with us today. We are still searching for the answer of why our son passed away. He was a very strong man and very healthy, he was studing for the fire department and did a lot in his 21 years. We miss him so much and we are going through some very diffulcult times. Yes, no one knows what it feels to have a child pass on, it's the worse pain as though your skin has been stripped and you wake up each morning wondering how you will get through another day. I have found some chat rooms to help as I stay home a lot.

Name: Danielle Harley
Location: monrovia, ca usa
Date: Friday, April 3, 1998 at 12:27:54
This home page has helped me alot with a recent termpaper I am doing. It has also helped me deal with my own personal situations. When I was eight years old my brother and sister died in a accident at our home. I am 19 right now. Dealing with death as a child is a terrible thing, but like everything else you learn to deal with it.

Name: M Wilding
Location: Clfld, ut usa
Date: Thursday, April 2, 1998 at 19:12:13
Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful memorial. Your strength and courage in the face of such trials strengthens my resolve to forge ahead and trust in the wisdom of our Heavenly Father. Having lost a daughter and knowing that I NEVER want to feel that pain again, my heart goes out to both of you. May the Lord bless you for sharing your struggles to help others. Thank You!

Name: Jen Roberts
Location: LaCrosse, WA USA
Date: Wednesday, April 1, 1998 at 19:16:53
On January 15, 1998 we gave birth to a beautiful little boy who happened to have down syndrome. We are the proudest parents to get such a blessing. Kade was born with a heart defect common in downs patience and on March 5, 1998 Kade passed away due to his heart defect. The pain we feel with loosing one is incredible we can't even imagine 3. Our thoughts are with you, you must be wonderful people.
Location: Dallas, TX USA
Date: Saturday, March 7, 1998 at 00:07:21
Having lost one son at 16 years of age, I cannot imagine losing more...your strength and determination to go forward and give something back are so admirable...God bless you...and yours...

Name: Pam and Lind Krenzke
Location: Hilliard, OH USA
Date: Friday, March 6, 1998 at 15:35:35
I was quite touched by your words. Both of our boys have died in the past2 1/2 years and we too have a surviving daughter (adopted at birth and now age 2) Our youngest son was in remission when she was born.... SO yes in 2 1/2 years we have added a child and said good-bye to two... You have survived it seems and this gives me hope.

Name:Regina Hill
Location: Burnsville, NC USA
Date: Monday, February 23, 1998 at 03:59:35

This poem, which I discovered in my Grandmother's Bible as a old news clipping, really touched my heart and I thought you might like to add it to your pages... Regina Hill

To Parents: "I'll lend you, for a little while, a child of mine," He said. "For you to love while he lives, and to mourn when he is dead." "It may be six or seven years...or twenty two or three,"..."But will you, til I call him back, take care of him for me?..."He'll bring his charms to gladden you and shall his stay be brief...You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief"..."I cannot promise he will all from earth return...."But there are lessons taught down there that I want this child to learn"..."I've looked the wide world search for teachers true...and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you..."..."Now will you give him all your love ...not think the labor vain, "Nor hate me when I come to take him home again"...I fancied that I heard them say.."Dear Lord, thy will be done..."For all the joy this child will bring...the risk of grief we'll run..."We'll shower him with tenderness and love him while we may..."And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay...And should the angels call for him...sooner than we planned...We'll brave the bitter grief that comes...and try to understand"...Author Unknown

I would like to DEDICATE THIS poem to all parents who have lost children and to those, like myself, who have yearned for children and never had any! Regina Hill

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Name: Maureen Szulczewski
Location: Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Date: Saturday, February 21, 1998 at 05:08:15
Dear Steve & Win, I sent a message to your guestbook last week; have just read the latest message so will try again now. Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts. I have copied some of them down and will share them with the other parents at our next Stillbirth & Neo-natal Society meeting. I'm sure they will help others as they have helped me. I have lost two of my three children. Our second child, a son, was born with RDS and died 24 hours later on 28th Nov 1993. Our third, another boy, died in utero when I was seven months pregnant in Jan 1995. At least we have our very, very precious daughter for whom i thank god every day. My thoughts and best wishes are with you both, and Heather. I wish you all peace and courage.

Location: Texas, TX US
Date: Wednesday, February 18, 1998 at 17:47:37
Great Site Ethesis, i can see you have put alot of work into it.

Name: repair team
Date: Wednesday, February 18, 1998 at 16:02:34
The guestbook is now repaired. Sorry it was down

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