I am a death educator and a divorce/family mediator. Your work on the internet has helped and inspired me in both areas. Thanks so very much.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. My first child, Heather, was stillborn Dec. 3, 1986. My family was not much support and I had no where to turn to. It was a very rough time in our lives. We have since been blessed with two more children. The pain does lessen over time but you never forget. I will carry Heather in my heart forever. Sharing your pain really does help others. God Bless you and your family.
I found your information on the grieving process helpful and a little different from much of the other grief literature. I am very sorry for your multiple loss. My husband and I have also had a multiple loss - both of our children, Robyn age 16 years and Michael, age almost 14 years, were killed in a car accident in February. They were out together buying us an anniversary gift. We have no remaining chidren. We had beautiful, very bright, loving children who were the center of our lives. We have no idea how we are going to live without them, except that we are doing just that. We have learned that we just do not have a choice. I wonder if there is anyone out there who has lost all of their children. How have you coped with this most devastating loss? We did attend a conference this summer for parents who had lost all of their children and it was very helpful. There is also an organisation called "Alive Alone" that sends out a newsletter. I would be happy to give more information.these through this page, if anyone is interested.
I would like to say that, I am sorry for your loss. I to have lost a child, my 5 yr. old son Robert was killed in a car accident Aug 30, 1997. He was born Oct. 17, 1991 I find it hard to belive that he's gone and I think He'll be Home when I walk though the door, but he is'nt. But the worst thing to deal with, is when his little 4 yr. old sister cry's and tell us she misses him and want's him back. your Page has helped me some!! But I guess only God and time will heal us.
What can be said in truth and sincerity other than I weep with you and your wife for the unexpected seperations from your precious ones... Hang in there, you've got a lot of people on both sides of the viel rooting for you! I hope my comments to the Nauvoo topic you posted under are helpful, or at least not offensive.
You have shared a terribly painful story and my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Your three sweet angels are looking down on you and smiling. One day you will all be together and perhaps it will all make sense. God Bless.
I read your comments on Nauvoo and decided to visit your homepage. I recognized something all too familiar in your "voice". I realize that saying that I am sorry about the loss of your daughters, especially the newest loss of your Robin, doesn't take away any of the pain. However, I know from experience that SOMETHING is better than nothing. Our second son, Gavin, died at birth. Our third son, Daniel, has autism and a host of serious mental illnesses. We are at a very scarry time in our lives. Having faith, understanding the Plan of Salvation and knowing that families are eternal does not help ease the pain. Throughout the last year my Heavenly Father has compelled me to be humble, to kneel before him and submit my life to his will. To learn to trust him and to look forward with hope. I am still very frightened. The thought of burying Daniel is much more comforting than the thought of him in a mental institution. This week we told the doctors no, we would not do that, but we would keep him at home until the very last moment. I truly do understand your anger, your emptiness, your frustration. I am also tired of having my character built, I don't want to endure to the end and no, I don't like the "Refiner's fire". I just want to lie down and not get up too. BUT, I also know deep within my soul, that inspite of the unknown, in spite of having my prayers repeatedly answered with "wait, just wait" and not knowing what lies ahead, I do look forward knowing that my Heavenly Father does love me, he truly understands my pain, he also watched his son suffer and die. Remember that he was powerless to help and the result of the "death" of his Son was that all the "survivors" have been incredibly blessed. I realize that I am rambling. Sorry. I wish we could just talk and talk. Acknowledge your pain and then dump it at the feet of your Savior. Let him carry it, he's asked to. Feel free to email me any time. My husband wrote a lovely poem about Daniel. He has yet to write one for Gavin, it is difficult for him to find opportunities to greive. It's like it's not acceptable for men to hurt also. We try to be upbeat and say that at least we know where all of our children are and that we have a 50% Celestial Kingdom rate. Hang in there! Kerry
I am not new to you, Steve, as we have corresponded before, but I am new to your incredibly severe circumstances and most recent loss, again. I am so sorry, and my wife and I have cried much at your loss and those others who have logged in the guest book. I am so proud of you and thankful for your web pages and paths to healing. I just lost my father several weeks ago, and the pain was excruciating! I came home from the funeral to an empty home with my wife away at her ailing father's bedside. I was in a daze. I couldn't work, call a client, bathe. I just stayed in my bedroom in the same clothes I wore when I got off the plane. Until I read your articles, I couldn't even begin to understand my feelings or actions. The only thought that I can muster is this: The only way that Christ can be such a total comforter to our many pains and sufferings is because he has gone through them himself first. You could never offer the succor and salve to many of our sorrow tossed souls unless you had experienced what you have and unselfishly taken your time reach out to others and share what you have. I love you and all those others for it. Thank you, Dave Viger
So very sorry to learn of Robin's death. I had hoped and prayed that you would be spared this additional pain. Thank you for having the strangth and courage to share your experiences and insights to help others. May God bless you and comfort you at this difficult time.
Three days ago I had to euthanize a pet cat I'd had for 9-1/2 yrs. He'd had the personality of a small child and was extremely loving in an unconditional way and very faithful. The closest thing I can find to grieving for him is the grief a parent must endure after the loss of a child. Parents believe their children will outlive them. I merely believed I'd have Nutmeg another 6 to 10 years with good care. So it was a shock to lose him to cancer. Thank you for this web site; I've appreciated the insights.
An excellent resource, valuble links. When people suffer such loss, often they forget that life still has purpose. But faith and time open the eyes, and sometimes we see more clearly some of the little joys that we never noticed before.
Your faith and strength is inspirational to me. It's been 2-1/2 years since my 6-year-old, Joey, died in a car wreck. I've made it this far only by the grace of God. Thank you for making this web site. It has helped me to keep moving on through unending sadness. God's peace and love to your family. We will see our children again!!!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. To bury three of your children is such an overwhelming burden. I have been through some of the grief you talk about. My first baby died in utero, her name is Robin also, that was September 6, 1994. On September 24, 1996, I had twin boys, one of which, Cyrus, sustained a brainstem injury during delivery, he died at home, in my arms, when he was 35 days old. Every time I look at his twin brother Barret, I see what he would have been like. The pain just never seems to go away. Now we are expecting a baby on May 8, 1998, my husbands 32nd birthday. I cannot help but think something will happen to my surviving son or this baby I am now carrying. How do you keep going with so much faith and strength? You have my prayers, Best Wishes, your girls will always be in my heart now too, Leeza Moyer
lately i've been completely and utterly lost. i was searching frantically for solutions to my pain, but found nothing substantial and healing. thank you from the bottom of my heart for your page. i honestly feel that it has helped to save my life. in spite of the fact that the reasons for my grief are different, i feel like i have found at last something to relate my feelings to. before discovering your page, i felt like a loser because i hadn't gotten over my grief. i felt like something was wrong with me because others' and my own understanding-lacking solutions didn't work. thank you, thank you, thank you. peace, love and awareness of God to everyone.
Our 16 year old daughter, Tracy, was killed in a one car accident 4 days after Christmas in 1992. For the first few weeks after her death, I wrote in a journal about my grief, anger at God, and other overwhelming topics that bereaved parents feel compelled to write if they will. My husband and I are now co-leaders of our Liberal Chapter of TCF and have encouraged others to journal to help themselve along in their grief journey. We plan on changing our Christmas plans this year because the holidays continue to be very difficult for us even though it has been almost five years. We still miss her terribly and all the things we have missed out on her doing.
I appreciated reading your essay on "living through loss". My 13 year old son died in May of 1995 from a fall while hiking. I wrote a journal during the first year after his death, and have put a few pages from it at the website identified above (http://members.aol.com/Vastags). My journal was the thing that got me through the most difficult first year. Sharing with others is also most helpful. Thanks for your story.
My daughter also died of ards, we have been through much of what you went through. She was 32, and this has been the hardest year of our lives. Knowing someone else who has been through the same pain, helps. I has to be extremely hard to lose two daughters. I know God is watching over you as I know he is watching over us.
ENJOYED YOUR STORY ABOUT YOUR GIRLS, YOU HAVE A GREAT PAGE!!! OUR SON WAS KILLED AUG.2 1997 BY DOWNED POWER LINES DUE TO AN AUTO ACCIDENT. OUR SON WAS RESPONDING TO HELP HIS FRIEND THAT HAD THE ACCIDENT AND WE THINK HE DID NOT SEE THE POWER LINES IN HIS PATH. HE WAS HIT WITH 7200 VOLTS AT ONE TIME. WE SURE MISS BRIAN,NOW AND FOREVER, BRIAN HAS A TWIN BROTHER BRAD, WE ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH BOTH BOYS. PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY, ONLY GOD CAN LESSEN THE PAIN WE ALL FEEL.THANK YOU FOR YOUR PAGE,IT'S A BLESSING TO FOLKS CAN LIVE AFTER A LOSS. GOD BLESS YOU AND EVERY ONE WHO HAS LOST. CARROLL LAY
Dear Steve & Win, I was truly touched by stories of your beautiful girls. I imagine it was both very difficult and joyous to write about them. I lost my baby girl in an auto accident 9/24/96 (her birthday), she was 19 yrs old. I miss her very much. Please take good care. Thank you for your help. Ed
You got a great page, Steve; I went in to read the FAQ on your baby girl. I'm familiar with pda (my brotehr has lived with it all his life, mildly, no surgery). I think it's terrific you're sharing your histories, it's an eye-opener and will probably be of tremendous benefit to someone stumbling in.
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