Mediation On-Line A Newsletter from ADR Resources http://adrr.com/adr9/020a.htm Volume 2, No. 3 -- Supplement, May 1999 From: Ethesis@AOL.Com (Ethesis) To: SMarsh@adrr.com Subscribe

The topic of this supplement:  Communicating with Troubled Kids, Dealing with grief after tragedy.

Tragedies made me think about what I could offer to other parents and those who wanted to help children who were dealing with tragedy.. I've a child in school and I've buried three children. I've known a lot of violent children. I sent this as an interim update to my e-mail newsletter mailing list with my personal thoughts about resources that I think can help. I've thought a lot on the topic and a recent post script to an e-mail to a correspondent has evolved into this note.

To help troubled kids, you need to communicate with them. Dr. Suzette Elgin's book The Gentle Art of Communicating with Kids (John Wiley & Sons) is the best tool I know of for helping people communicate with their children.  It is available at amazon.com, bn.com, etc.  You can buy it direct from John Wiley at about $6.00 or so a copy. I've given away over a hundred copies of the book and never had anyone who did not gain from reading it.  For shelters, parents and kids, it is a great book.

For teaching kids non-violence: How to Turn the Other Cheek and Still Survive in Today's World (available directly from Dr. Elgin) is one of the two best books I can think of.  Written for parents and older teens, the book captures how to be non-violent and how to reduce violence in day to day life.  The other good book is The School Mediator's Training Manual (New Society Publishers/Friends Conflict Resolution Programs).  (The only place I know of to get that is by calling 215-241-7229).

Dr. Elgin has had significant experience with children and is a wonderful woman (though the most common thing people say to her is "I've read your book, but I thought you were dead" -- she isn't). Her e-mail is ocls@madisoncounty.net..

We've both buried children and she understands some things that a lot of people are completely clueless about. If you want to teach a client how to begin to make peace in their own lives, I've found her books the best place to start.

For grief, I have many good links and materials  that I am familiar with. The best site I've seen that would help most people with the death of a child is at http://www.misschildren.org/. The graphics are really not my style (and I hate animated gifs), but the content is rock solid. If you know anyone who has lost a child, this is an excellent place to go. Grief is very hard work, but some places make it a little easier and can help those around avoid making things worse instead of better. For my personal perspective on grief, http://adrr.com/living/ has my thoughts.

If you've ever wondered what to say (and what not to say), MISS is the site to visit.

Regards,

Stephen R. Marsh
ADR Resources
http://adrr.com/
Surviving Loss
http://adrr.com/living/

This Website is by Stephen R. Marsh
Contact Information at:
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